a good day, complexity

I drove a sister to an appointment she had an hour away at Johns Hopkins this morning.

It is an adventure every day it seems, since I've never lived in, or been to this, part of the

country before outside of staying mostly on the grounds. Thank goodness for the Waze app.

I came back, had lunch and then worked on a health insurance thing with sister Gabrielia

and then headed back to my room. 

I learned that I can deposit the checks I receive over my Iphone which is

a really great convenience (since my bank is an hour away in DC)!

I was spinning about a lot of stuff. Lots of stress, lots of disparaging of others (inside me) and lots of confusion

over acclimating here - but I didn't understand it and I needed the facilitation of my 

therapist and thankfully today was appointment day with her. Venting with her ultimately

help me gain a better perspective on what I was actually coping with experientially

as well as emotionally. 

So we talked over zoom and she helped me a great deal.

I said some negative stuff with her but she calmly and positively

coached me to reframe and be conscious of all that I was experiencing

so that I could see how to make sense of it.

Doing something for myself was in tall order after the meeting and she agreed.

I then decided to treat myself to an exploration of a local town.

I went and saw my new market where I will be working

and then went to an Irish Pub in a really pretty 18th century stone building

and then hit the local library at the suggestion of my therapist.

Took pictures of them all and then sent them to her just to share

with her the mini adventure as I said where and when I would be going.

I came back to the monastery very relaxed. I called my therapist and left

a voicemail - with a confession of my fears but also heartfelt purpose.

Living in community can be hard - but when I came back here

and started to prepare for vespers with the stand in deacon -

I found when I just respected

what they liked about the place and my honest vantage I found I was given a thoughtfulness.

I went to vespers and I started to see all that I needed to do to carry

on the role of deacon and I started to find happiness in just enjoying

the service with the sisters. Their voices were so pretty and they filled

me up and the room with just a really beautiful expression, in fact a place

emotionally 

I was starting to like to 'be' as well.

I went to supper and then instead of going back to small compline

I came up to my room to answer emails and be with Blue.

I don't know if I will be here more than six months - but it's

so far a very illuminating time. Lots of change, stress and growing.

Living in community has been

something I've yearned for  - but I know that by its nature it can't

all be on my terms...also respect goes a long way with both myself honestly

and for the others' experiences, this opened me up to appreciate that in fact.

I can see for myself I am experiencing community and also have the presence of mind to

not miss it happening right in front of my face! :)