a good day at work
I had a good day at work. I was determined
and got things done. It wasn't perfect but
I squeezed in all the things I needed to do into
the very last drop of time I was working.
So that's good.
I drove home from the market.
I started to think about how life
isn't really worth it to me - or more so
I transitioned to a less pollyanna view
of things. I realized my own sense of appreciation
of my life was not as fulfilling -
and so I kind of just accepted the ying and yang of life.
the light and dark - the mix of the two -
I drove home and was kind of contented to be back here
at the monastery where I had my evening meal.
The sisters really are sweethearts - they can be bitches
but they're great.
I came up to my room - and saw my son - he was so eager
and told me in his way he was so sad to be alone as long as he was.
It breaks my heart.
On the drive home - I didn't call my Dad, I didn't call my therapist...
what I decided to do was try and have a conversation with "SIRI"
and it was pretty interesting and made me think how AI might become
the companion of the future.
Now I am back in my room - trying to find some inspiration to enjoy my time alone.
My aunt called me back - we talked briefly and I thought about what my therapist
taught me this morning. The duality. We had a good conversation.
I don't know where to start with creating and appreciating my own life.
My impulse is to lavish gifts onto my god son - who I send birthday and 'baptism anniversary'
presents too.My impulse is to just focus on me and mine - and not my two nieces now...
But I won't do that.
I've gotta take my meds now - and then brush my teeth.
Early rise tomorrow as usual.. to get down to chapel and set it up.
peace
Replies
I woke up very tired this morning.
I nearly overslept after I snoozed the alarm. I got down to chapel and set it up. During services my mind was squirrelly misbehaving. I kept on wanting to sleep, I had weird temptations and I fought myself to chill out and stay present during the service. I’m grateful that I stood off to the side of the main action. It made my struggle less apparent. It seems that my mind and temperament in the face of transitioning to the possibility of the day approaches the problem in a kind of predictable way…I daydream like crazy!! Instead of making a plan. Which I’ll try to do. Perhaps I’ll learn from that, much like I did last night at work. I squeezed every last drop of time to get things done. I only have a finite sum of time here in life. I hope to squeeze all the things I can do and make and achieve.
I hope that you have a good rest of your day sweetie.... I can veer off into daydream land as well...... Big squishy hug... xo
Must be hard to get up early like that every morning. I guess it gives you purpose though. Blue loves his daddy!
Have a good day.
Thanks Jan ad Becky!!
Hugs to you and here’s a wish for a happy and content and satisfying weekend, Marko!
Thanks Nikki!