a good day at work

I had my third day at work today at the new job.

It went well. The folks there are very keen on organized, systematic

work and it makes it all very helpful to learn and adjust.

The fellow I was working with and guided by is named Tim

and he was very eager to make sure I knew what to do.

It all went well. 

I took a break at one point and then went back to work.

It felt like I had stepped out of the picture a what was expected me to do  -

although the breaks are offered - so I will only do that again if offered and won't

suggest it again though they had been offered the couple of days I had worked before.. 

As I went back to work, I started to feel really insecure. Like I wasn't doing a quick enough

job - or good enough - but rather than let that be the story I listened to within me - I decided to have

a monologue within telling me the facts, that I was focusing on the here and now and very much

doing what was needed. Tim didn't say I wasn't doing the job well - I started to filter that he was

trying very hard to do his job as well as train me and so he must have felt pressure and I was very much

focused on learning and doing the work as well. - and so it's like I gained

more power over the very narrative I was having within me as well as outside of me.

I did good work and put in a long shift. I'm finding this very empowering, like I am getting a sense

of my life outside of self assumed expectations of me for when I lived near family.

I'm liking this and though I don't know 'where I am going' I feel possibility for creating

income and for creating a life.

I am here at home now, and I am cuddling Blue to make sure he knows he's loved and important -

since he's alone so much - 

but also I am talking to you guys in order to help me reflect and focus that inner narrative

on how today was conducted as well as how I conduct my life here now at home on my own.

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peace and happy friday!!

:) Mark