a good day at work

I had a good day at work today. I came home and made lunch and got

down on the ground with Blue as usual. He's such a good boy :). 

After that, and after taking a shower and dressing, I found myself

on my bed, with Blue and looking at Social Media.

A waste of time, and also seems to be a mental health obstacle course.

Anyways, I put that away and decided to go for a walk.

I think I've mixed my intensity for finding mental health answers - because

of my own variability and issues - and a desire to be self responsible -

with downtime just 'for pleasure' type activities. I decided to go for a walk.

No stressors.

I didn't have to do a 'right thing' I just decided to step out the door and meander

through the neighborhood. My feelings and opinions of things that I encountered would come and go

as I sauntered :) and I realized I don't need to feel like I have to do the 'just right' thing.

Does that make sense? I feel with my urgency and earnestness to know myself 

well so that I would manage my illness, kind of interfered with the ideas or

the planning of things that are just fun - and just 'are.' I can rest assured

I take care of my responsibilities and have my routines (which genuinely support me

every day.) 

Strangely, I seemed to fall into the habit of trying to control or find a universal approval

when in fact - just making simple decisions - the casual pleasures in life - and good healthy choices and projects

are good enough. Work and survival are one thing, but casual entertainment and exercise and endeavours are just that

kind of thing for distraction. If I feel the creeping feeling to not do something along the way - that's all that the feeling

is telling me - that I want to change course or find a more creative solution. It's not a danger alarm - but I suspect

when we don't listen to those feelings, they compound and compound and turn into an agony of highflying moods

with a sense of the catastrophic or woe!

My therapist is so right that listening to ourselves is really important - and delivers a lot

of important information for us to consider.