A few more baby steps...
Well I didn't make it to my grief class last night, just couldn't bring myself to go. Not sure if it's because the others in the class have all lost their spouses and I just can't relate? But I am keeping a diary of my own feelings, so that's a baby step.
Now I had a HUGE one, baby step that is, Sunday night, after going to church I decided it was time to talk to my parents and siblings and called a meeting, who have not been supportive, with responses, of "you knew it was going to happen", the OD, Mom saying,"just think if it was Dad", family saying they WILL NOT COME TO my home, if I have Greg's ashes here, etc.
So 2 brothers and spouse's, sister and her husband, and my folks and I just told em like it was. Nicely of course. You see, I am the 5th in line, 4 older brothers, sis a yr younger and 2 younger brothers. I of course was always the one they all counted on, the one who was and is there for them all, with support, money etc, I told them how I felt, they were SURPRISED... I told them even though Greg suffered for years with his pain and addiction and it didn't matter how badly I cried with and couldn't help him, well it was not OK to say you knew, blah, blah... I SAID he was still my only child, my baby boy, my BF and it was not OK and it will not to be said again. You all would have been PROUD of me, I know I was. I CRIED, there was more talking, more tears more hugs, more support offered and well I hadn'y even told you my friends that awhile back I had tried to 'mix' up my own meds I know WRONG on so many levels but at that time was so lost, thank God all i did was throw up, but had a dream shortly after where Greg spoke to me and said DON"T Mom, he loved me and doesn't hurt any more, it's not the right thing to do...
So back to today, I hurt a little less, well hurting in missing Gregor, his nickname, but now feel I have support from my family. You don't know how badly I needed HUGS from them and to listen when I want to remember him and to talk about him it's OK. And if they don't want to come to my house that's fine, but's this is the way it's going to be.
SO THANKS, it was because of you all that I had the courage to talk to them and you were right, most just had no clue...
LOVE you all... So 1 baby step, but a big girl step too.
Now I had a HUGE one, baby step that is, Sunday night, after going to church I decided it was time to talk to my parents and siblings and called a meeting, who have not been supportive, with responses, of "you knew it was going to happen", the OD, Mom saying,"just think if it was Dad", family saying they WILL NOT COME TO my home, if I have Greg's ashes here, etc.
So 2 brothers and spouse's, sister and her husband, and my folks and I just told em like it was. Nicely of course. You see, I am the 5th in line, 4 older brothers, sis a yr younger and 2 younger brothers. I of course was always the one they all counted on, the one who was and is there for them all, with support, money etc, I told them how I felt, they were SURPRISED... I told them even though Greg suffered for years with his pain and addiction and it didn't matter how badly I cried with and couldn't help him, well it was not OK to say you knew, blah, blah... I SAID he was still my only child, my baby boy, my BF and it was not OK and it will not to be said again. You all would have been PROUD of me, I know I was. I CRIED, there was more talking, more tears more hugs, more support offered and well I hadn'y even told you my friends that awhile back I had tried to 'mix' up my own meds I know WRONG on so many levels but at that time was so lost, thank God all i did was throw up, but had a dream shortly after where Greg spoke to me and said DON"T Mom, he loved me and doesn't hurt any more, it's not the right thing to do...
So back to today, I hurt a little less, well hurting in missing Gregor, his nickname, but now feel I have support from my family. You don't know how badly I needed HUGS from them and to listen when I want to remember him and to talk about him it's OK. And if they don't want to come to my house that's fine, but's this is the way it's going to be.
SO THANKS, it was because of you all that I had the courage to talk to them and you were right, most just had no clue...
LOVE you all... So 1 baby step, but a big girl step too.
Replies
I am so proud of you for speaking your mind!! And I am really glad it helped to open up to your family!! You took a GIANT STEP!! And I am soo proud of you!!!
Hugs to you and your Angel!!
Debi
You are remarkable!! You are doing wonderfully. You were able to let your family know your needs and they now know what you need which is great for you and them...yes baby steps do add up but it\'s nice to take a giant step once in a while. HUGS, Connie
That took a LOT of courage and energy too. You are already feeling better and the affects are so encouraging for you. What a relief that was for you now. Keep doing what is best for you and what you need right now.
Very proud of you! What a huge step you took gathering your family together, telling them how you feel & what you need. It\'s evident the positive effect it has had on you when you say you hurt a little less & now feel family support.
Love to you my sister of the heart.
I\'d say that was more than a baby step...that was HUGE darling! I\'m so glad your family showed up and HEARD you with open hearts and open minds. Isn\'t it amazing how \"others\" truly just don\'t get it!! Most have no clue they\'ve ever said or done anything that was hurtful to us. You\'ve taken a huge step toward healing.....family healing.....and grief healing. I am so proud of you!! And I know Gregor is proud of his mom!
Like you, I don\'t think I would fit in with a group who\'ve lost spouses. No better/worse grief, just different...different issues....different things to be missed....just a different loss. I hope you will find, if you so choose to seek, a group in your area that is more focused on moms who\'ve lost children. Those real life hugs....looking into the eyes of another \"mom\"....are priceless moments. I\'m SO thankful to have this group of moms here, where I can run everyday and share anything and everything and know I am being heard and understood. And OH how I look forward to our annual retreats so I can get those bone crushing hugs and have some \"face time\" with the moms who attend. So very special! Am hopeful you\'ll be able to join us in Boston, and if not, perhaps next year.
YOU DID IT! You knew what you needed and you took control! YAY for YOU!!!! Love and hugs, Teri
Wow and kudos to you!! love ya!
This was indeed a giant step that you took in asking for what you need. Wow, it feels as if a major \"clog\" was taken care of and now the energy is moving freely and they still may need some gentle reminders along the way yet now they know.
Huge sighs of relief and healing are yours and theirs too. Way to go in stepping up and having the courage to do this.
You are your best advocate and this is a beautiful example of just that. Thank you for sharing this meaningful time with your family and your dear Gregor. I just know that he is cheering you on and saying, \"Way to go for finding your voice.\"
May you continue to feel supported and lovingly cared for.
XO Joanie
Hugs to you my friend. You are so awesome and my hat goes off to you for taking a HUGE step! Keep climbing....we are here for you and support you 110%.
Thanks again everyone, today was the first morning since I lost Gregor, that I woke up, not crying and even took my babies, Penny and Pixie out of a morning walk. Just enjoying the flowers, didn\'t even know that they were here. Guess I\'ve been letting it all just pass me by. Now I\'m sure as Mothers Day approaches, it will be a few steps backwards but knowing I have all of you here is a blessing. I thank God everyday for helping me find this group. Hugs to you all...
Julie, I started to write you the other night and I lost it in cyberspace. Congratulations on the courageous step with your family. You stated your \"boundaries\" and I urge you to remind your family if they slip.
Your grief group, maybe it isn\'t a good fit. Look into your heart and you will know.
Oh I am a dog nut and am so glad you have yours to help you through all of this. You are right, Mother\'s Day is tough on most of us.
Much love,
Leda
I saw another mom\'s response to your journal... and I was drawn to read... and oh my heart is so sad for you... but I\'m grateful that you did stand up for yourself... and in a way I think you have stood up for all of us... that we might find a bit more courage to explain instead of just getting angry and shutting out friends and or family who don\'t understand... its not that they don\'t want to... they just don\'t and really... perhaps we should be glad for them... It won\'t do any good to go into all the reasons why you\'d almost like to sock someone who says... you knew... no... I never knew... I knew it was possible... I was scared a million times... I pictured so many awful ways my child could die given the life she was leading... but I never knew... I thought I was going through the worst possible nightmare running to and from trying to save Cara... but the worst... to finally hit all our worst nightmares... and now we can\'t even hope or pray for a miracle for our children... and actually it could be even worse... we all know members who have had multiple child losses, spouses too... we didn\'t know... there\'s no reason to compare... sometimes all we can do is survive... Hugs Elissa
Very well done. For your own soul and to help teach your family. I applaud you.