A Few Goals Met
Dear Fred:
It isn't winter yet and I have at last completed six of the goals I set when Nick died. Here is what has been done.
The back deck is stained & ready for winter. Nick's car has been sold so it will not have to sit outside through the coming winter. The house now has a new door with a good seal and good insulation between the door & the door frame. Also, the domestic finances has been sorted out. I found private medical insurance for myself. It is very expensive and mostly useless except for hospital stays ... which I hope never happens. Also, medical bills on Nick have been resolved and paid.
Here is what I still need to complete:
I need to revise my Will and rewrite the Trust for the cats so it gives better direction to the prospective future homes and for the Trustee.
I need to call the bank in England and re-tackle the saving account, etc that are still there. Once this is sorted out to a conclusion then I need to get funds transfered so Nick's nieces & nephews will "inherit" some funds from Nick.
Redecorating the master bedroom & bathroom needs to be completed and new blinds need to be installed.
The awning for the deck may be put off until next Spring as Winter is almost here.
Lately I have just felt really strange. I feel tired nearly all of the time now. I do get some sleep at night.... more than I did the first two months after Nick died. I still feel more tired and less interested in getting out & about or life in general. Maybe this is just part of this whole lonely situation. I feel like I am just watching myself in a dream going through life, talking with friends, getting things done, even writing this journal entry. But, it doesn't feel REAL. Last night I had a dream where I met a little girl and her mother. I remember her mother told me the child's name, the child came up close to me & just looked up into my face. I told her "Hi Angie. You have a very pretty name. My name is Darlene." In this dream I could see my arms and legs, all of the parts of me that I do actually see. This dream seemed just as real as what each day seems. At first when Nick died I felt totally disconnected. This is different but I am not sure how to describe it. Whatever is going on, it will probably go away in time.
Well, Fred, it is time for me to go to bed. Thanks for listening again.
Darlene Newman 9/21/2011
It isn't winter yet and I have at last completed six of the goals I set when Nick died. Here is what has been done.
The back deck is stained & ready for winter. Nick's car has been sold so it will not have to sit outside through the coming winter. The house now has a new door with a good seal and good insulation between the door & the door frame. Also, the domestic finances has been sorted out. I found private medical insurance for myself. It is very expensive and mostly useless except for hospital stays ... which I hope never happens. Also, medical bills on Nick have been resolved and paid.
Here is what I still need to complete:
I need to revise my Will and rewrite the Trust for the cats so it gives better direction to the prospective future homes and for the Trustee.
I need to call the bank in England and re-tackle the saving account, etc that are still there. Once this is sorted out to a conclusion then I need to get funds transfered so Nick's nieces & nephews will "inherit" some funds from Nick.
Redecorating the master bedroom & bathroom needs to be completed and new blinds need to be installed.
The awning for the deck may be put off until next Spring as Winter is almost here.
Lately I have just felt really strange. I feel tired nearly all of the time now. I do get some sleep at night.... more than I did the first two months after Nick died. I still feel more tired and less interested in getting out & about or life in general. Maybe this is just part of this whole lonely situation. I feel like I am just watching myself in a dream going through life, talking with friends, getting things done, even writing this journal entry. But, it doesn't feel REAL. Last night I had a dream where I met a little girl and her mother. I remember her mother told me the child's name, the child came up close to me & just looked up into my face. I told her "Hi Angie. You have a very pretty name. My name is Darlene." In this dream I could see my arms and legs, all of the parts of me that I do actually see. This dream seemed just as real as what each day seems. At first when Nick died I felt totally disconnected. This is different but I am not sure how to describe it. Whatever is going on, it will probably go away in time.
Well, Fred, it is time for me to go to bed. Thanks for listening again.
Darlene Newman 9/21/2011
Replies
Boy Darlene- Can I relate to this! I call it the \"Surreal life\" now. Things are getting done, one thing at a time is accomplished, friends are back in the picture, and sleep is a bit better, and longer lasting, but that tired feeling is everyday no matter the amount of sleep.
I think in the beginning, we are so on overdrive with the shock of all that has happened, and the details that need attention \"right now\" that we barrel through it at lightening speed, not really feeling the brunt of all that is happening. Then as time goes by, the shock wears off, and we realize what has happened, and what is ahead, and no wonder we feel TIRED. It\'s like being through the war, and yet the war is just beginning. the war we wage to get some semblance of normal back in our lives.
the seeing yourself \"outside\" looking in, is so NORMAL! I do it all the time. You are walking, and talking, and even smiling, but you wonder who that person is now? At least that\'s how it is for me. I KNOW the me I want to be, and that\'s what I work on. Getting back to her.
You have accomplished so much! Be PROUD of that, and know that you are STRONG, CAPABLE, and WONDERFUL.
Keep on keepin on, and my hopes that the surreal turns into the REAL for all of us!!!
Hugs, Diane
Darlene. I feel the same way. I don\'t know if I\'ll ever have my old level of energy again. And I am watching myself go through life as a in a dream too.
Boy does all of that hit home. I too am sluggish. I go through the motions and when evening comes I don\'t know what I did that day. I guess it is widda brain. Diane
Darlene, There are so many things I need to get done. I know my deck needs attention. Just worry about costs. Sounds like you have accomplished quite a bit. Hugs and blessings. Barbara
Widda-brain. I love the term and think we should all start using it :)