a down slope

I don't know why but my mind has taken so many wrong turns today since being off work

earlier this morning. I have tried to have insight and change my attitude and perspective.

Now that I am writing about it, it seems to give me a focus and express some of the pressure

that's building up within me. I know that keeping at my responsibilities around the apartment

and in my life seem to give me a focus and an expression that helps me calm and release some of the

energy that I can't seem to manage when it's just a freestyle type of moment. It's so weird.

I was doing ok last weekend - and then on Monday I did this interview process for a psychiatric study

and I felt like the psychologist there - who asked me to express my whole pscyh-life history - just ripped me

to shreds - and I have to find myself again. I guess this is 'as ever' the road I take... Exploding square theory is something I coined in high school. I seem to figure things out - find a moment of peace (find a square to live in) and then the square explodes. My world gets turned upside down.

For now though I know I just have to keep busy. It's like when ever I have some choice about the matter - the possibilities overwhelm me. Too many mindfields and too much pressure and standards to live up to.

Again, expressing this helps. My Father gave me a great present the other day in the form of advice.

He said " I am not going to pressure you about what to choose or what to do" (in so many words) - he said

"You're an adult and you're building your life." It was a great gift to me and I appreciate it.