A down day
I guess I am still stressed after the wedding. I just wanted to cry today. At noon I had a panic attack. I had to take Ativan for the first time in months. I just have this feeling of dread.
I tried to get focused on something else so began looking for a photo of a turtle and attempt to attach it. I haven't found any that I like. It reminded me of when we were in Borneo on Turtle Island (we taught for 3 months in Kuala Lumpur and had the great fortune of being able to travel to Sabah to see a sea turtle laying eggs and then watch baby turtles headed for the sea. The turtles are an endangered species. The island is protected and they only take a certain number of tourists - we were lucky there was room as we were late checking it out.
The mother turtle comes ashore, digs a hole and lays the eggs. She then covers it up and goes back to the sea. The eggs are then taken by the keepers and buried in a protected area so that they have the best chance of survival.
It also got me thinking about life and death. Very few baby turtles actually survive. They are only a couple of inches long so are a food source for many predators. If they get to the ocean and then don't get eaten along the way, they can live a hundred years! It is a crap shoot as to which ones will survive. It is a good thing mother turtles don't get attached to their offspring as so few survive.
I decided i am going to try to dig out a photo and post it as my avatar tomorrow. Hopefully I will have more energy than I had today.
Lisa: I miss you so much. I want so much to have a conversation with you, to hear your voice, your laugh and your quirky sense of humour. I miss you always and love you forever.
I tried to get focused on something else so began looking for a photo of a turtle and attempt to attach it. I haven't found any that I like. It reminded me of when we were in Borneo on Turtle Island (we taught for 3 months in Kuala Lumpur and had the great fortune of being able to travel to Sabah to see a sea turtle laying eggs and then watch baby turtles headed for the sea. The turtles are an endangered species. The island is protected and they only take a certain number of tourists - we were lucky there was room as we were late checking it out.
The mother turtle comes ashore, digs a hole and lays the eggs. She then covers it up and goes back to the sea. The eggs are then taken by the keepers and buried in a protected area so that they have the best chance of survival.
It also got me thinking about life and death. Very few baby turtles actually survive. They are only a couple of inches long so are a food source for many predators. If they get to the ocean and then don't get eaten along the way, they can live a hundred years! It is a crap shoot as to which ones will survive. It is a good thing mother turtles don't get attached to their offspring as so few survive.
I decided i am going to try to dig out a photo and post it as my avatar tomorrow. Hopefully I will have more energy than I had today.
Lisa: I miss you so much. I want so much to have a conversation with you, to hear your voice, your laugh and your quirky sense of humour. I miss you always and love you forever.
Replies
I hope soon all the pain melts into all the joy, love and happiness the two of you shared. This is how the healing of the loss of my husband has come about. I no longer feel the acute, sharp jabbing pain of the loss as he was ripped from my life but instead just the love and joy is all that remain. I hope for that healing to soon be granted to you also.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia
Ups and downs and loop de loops...just that is so tiring..I\'ve learned through my \"interior work\" of late, that when it is \"safe\" to do so--memories (and accompanying emotions) can come back that otherwise are kept hidden inside of us. I even noticed this with my rescue cat Toby. He seems to now have a flashback when we take flatware out of the kitchen drawer. The poor thing makes a little strangled sound and then scurries off as fast as he can. We think once he felt \"safe\" with us...the flashback started.
That is very interesting about the turtles...and I\'m really glad you were blessed to be able to get on the protected island to see and learn all about it! When I get down, it helps me to remember that we WILL all be together again and this time it will be better than before and never ending. For now, we wait until we are called Home...waiting for good things is always hard! Love+Hugs, Donna
I\'m so sorry this is a difficult day - all the emotion of the wedding finally catching up with you. Allow yourself all the time you need to recharge and destress and take good care of yourself. Interesting about the turtles - they close the beaches and do the same thing at Cape Hatteras National Seashore, too.
Hope you\'re feeling a little better tomorrow. love Joanna
Those days are tough...I just hope that tomorrow is a more gentle day...love to you...Karen