A Conversation with Rhianna

On Friday night I had the chance to watch the interview with Rhianna (I'm not sure if that is how you spell it) on 20/20 regarding the abusive incident that happened between her and Chris Brown.  I thought her very sincere, mature and insightful.  A lot of the words she spoke touched me.  She said the more they got to know each other the more obsessed they became with each other.  I noticed she didn't totally blame him and thus didn't act like a victim but took her own responsibility in the relationship.  She recognized her own insanity which doesn't make her to blame but puts her in a position to change how she related and acted and what drove her to stay and to lie to herself.  One of the best parts for me was when she teared up when she finally realized that because she was a huge role model for many women she could not in good consciousness continue with Chris knowing that someone else might follow her lead and be hurt in the process.  I think it was because she was able to look at their relationships and see that hers was not that much different.  Which humbled her and humbles us to know that we are not stupid, or naive or crazy for falling for guys like these but that it could happen to ANYONE.  What stuck with me most is when she said she didn't hate Chris but just wanted him to grow up and realize the damage he had done.  She said the bruises and phsyical injuries go away in time but it is what he has done to herINSIDE that she wished he could see.  This is HUGE.  These injuries inside us are so hard to heal.  They crop up when you least expect it.   I will always remember her saying "F-love.  Love is blind. Be that third person OUTSIDE of your relationship and look in and then you will know what to do" It gave me goosebumps and it felt like she was talking directly to me.  She feels as I do - as so many women have - we are all connected in this way - we shouldn't feel shame for being human.

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She is such a beautiful and talented girl, you would not think that she was capable of being in an abusive relationship. Obsessed is the perfect word. It is getting that unhealthy hook that you feel you can not disengage from.

I love that line: Be that third person OUTSIDE of your relationship and look in and then you will know what to do\"

That is SO WISE for such a young girl. My mother, was in a unhealthy relationship for about 8 years. I used to tell her: Mother, if I was in a relationship like this, you would be appalled. This is simply not a nice man.

So I could see it for her, but she could not see it for herself because she was \'hooked\'.

And it was the same with this last relationship. She would tell me: You are giving him too much of your time. You should not give him every second of your weekend to a man that is not willing to discuss feelings or that he is in a relationship with you.

And of course I understood what she was saying, but I WANTED him there every weekend. I thought that if I did not let him come, that it would punish me and not him.

I really do feel forever altered by this relationship. I do not think I will ever fall into these types of patterns again. I hope and pray that it is so.