A Chance at Death
Honor thy mother and father that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
That's the Fith commandment. I've had this commandment thrown at me most of my life. But last year was differnt. Last year I'd lost my husband and really wasn't that thrilled about living. So when my father picked an argument, I told him not to tempt me. Maybe not being honorable toward him would buy me a ticket to Heaven. I really didn't care to stick around this place anyhow.
Now, a year later(and we're getting along fine now), I find I can't lose weight. All my life I've spent exercising and eating right, even shopping at health food stores and that was back in the 70s. Then, seven years ago I attended nursing school and got to see all those 80 and 90 plus patients. They were still alive but their bodies were decaying. Modern science kept their heart beating even when they were unconscious. Sort of like Frankenstein's monster. I got to see children looking at parents that bore little resembelance to the parents they remembered. I got to see people brought to the brink of bankruptcy trying to care for those parents. Even now, there are reports about the effect all of us boomers are going to have on the heath care system. We're going to bring it to the brink of collaspe because there just isn't enough money to care for a country of people approaching 100.
So, why am I fat.
Well, back in the 1950s when people died earlier, there was very little dementia. Less heart disease and stroke. I mean people had these things, but they didn't live much past their 60s so no long term suffering and some died before they even got the illness. But not now. Now we got technology to keep them alive. The average woman will live into her 80s and beyond. Men slightly less.
So, why am I fat?
The other day I was talking to friends of mine who are nurses. They both said that if they were ever diagnosed with cancer they wouldn't seek treatment. One said she would just use herbs and live her last days as best as possible. She said she read something that said many doctors turn down chemotherapy. They see what it does to their patietns and want none of it.
So, why am I fat?
I have a coworker who's father is sick. Anyhow he's on a strict diet and is not allowed to drink. So, he's in the hospital for his heart and is discharged with these dietary restrictions. Later, he tells his daughter that he had a large steak and other unhealthy foods. "I capped it off with a glass of wine," he added. When she expressed horror that he would eat such things, he said, listen, I'm not going to end up like my poor neighbor, 90 years old in poor health and still alive because I followed some stupid doctor instructions.
So, why am I fat?
My dad always lived a healthy life, eating, exercising, taking vitamins. When my mom died she said to live like my dad. Don't end up like her. She was fat and ate what she wanted when she wanted. She never exercised, never took vitamins. She smoked too. And at the age of 69 she was gone. So, I endevored to follow my dad down the path of health. There he was in his late 70s looking 20 years younger. Still had muscle tone too. But that was 6 years ago. Now age is catching up. His body looks older. I think he's having memory problems(not sure on this one because he's always been strange.) At any rate, he's slowing down. It's scary too because he won't allow me to do certain things to help him. I moved in with him and that was a disaster. He later admitted that he didn't want me there and that's why he was so cruel. So here he is now at 84. He's his own man, but sons and daughters are being thrown in jail for not caring for their parents, and I've got one who tells me to mind my own business. He is my nightmare.
So, back to why I'm fat: I'm fat because I sure in heck don't want to be here in my eighties. I'm not suicidal, I've just seen too much. I've seen those who've led a healthy life, hoping for a longer life, only to find themselves trapped in those so-called healthy bodies--bodies that are falling apart. The way I see it in the past we had a chance at death. We could die from so many things. Death was a sad thing for those left behind and it still is. But spend some time in a nursing home like I did and you'll see a whole new world and if you're like me, it will scare the hell out of you.
That's the Fith commandment. I've had this commandment thrown at me most of my life. But last year was differnt. Last year I'd lost my husband and really wasn't that thrilled about living. So when my father picked an argument, I told him not to tempt me. Maybe not being honorable toward him would buy me a ticket to Heaven. I really didn't care to stick around this place anyhow.
Now, a year later(and we're getting along fine now), I find I can't lose weight. All my life I've spent exercising and eating right, even shopping at health food stores and that was back in the 70s. Then, seven years ago I attended nursing school and got to see all those 80 and 90 plus patients. They were still alive but their bodies were decaying. Modern science kept their heart beating even when they were unconscious. Sort of like Frankenstein's monster. I got to see children looking at parents that bore little resembelance to the parents they remembered. I got to see people brought to the brink of bankruptcy trying to care for those parents. Even now, there are reports about the effect all of us boomers are going to have on the heath care system. We're going to bring it to the brink of collaspe because there just isn't enough money to care for a country of people approaching 100.
So, why am I fat.
Well, back in the 1950s when people died earlier, there was very little dementia. Less heart disease and stroke. I mean people had these things, but they didn't live much past their 60s so no long term suffering and some died before they even got the illness. But not now. Now we got technology to keep them alive. The average woman will live into her 80s and beyond. Men slightly less.
So, why am I fat?
The other day I was talking to friends of mine who are nurses. They both said that if they were ever diagnosed with cancer they wouldn't seek treatment. One said she would just use herbs and live her last days as best as possible. She said she read something that said many doctors turn down chemotherapy. They see what it does to their patietns and want none of it.
So, why am I fat?
I have a coworker who's father is sick. Anyhow he's on a strict diet and is not allowed to drink. So, he's in the hospital for his heart and is discharged with these dietary restrictions. Later, he tells his daughter that he had a large steak and other unhealthy foods. "I capped it off with a glass of wine," he added. When she expressed horror that he would eat such things, he said, listen, I'm not going to end up like my poor neighbor, 90 years old in poor health and still alive because I followed some stupid doctor instructions.
So, why am I fat?
My dad always lived a healthy life, eating, exercising, taking vitamins. When my mom died she said to live like my dad. Don't end up like her. She was fat and ate what she wanted when she wanted. She never exercised, never took vitamins. She smoked too. And at the age of 69 she was gone. So, I endevored to follow my dad down the path of health. There he was in his late 70s looking 20 years younger. Still had muscle tone too. But that was 6 years ago. Now age is catching up. His body looks older. I think he's having memory problems(not sure on this one because he's always been strange.) At any rate, he's slowing down. It's scary too because he won't allow me to do certain things to help him. I moved in with him and that was a disaster. He later admitted that he didn't want me there and that's why he was so cruel. So here he is now at 84. He's his own man, but sons and daughters are being thrown in jail for not caring for their parents, and I've got one who tells me to mind my own business. He is my nightmare.
So, back to why I'm fat: I'm fat because I sure in heck don't want to be here in my eighties. I'm not suicidal, I've just seen too much. I've seen those who've led a healthy life, hoping for a longer life, only to find themselves trapped in those so-called healthy bodies--bodies that are falling apart. The way I see it in the past we had a chance at death. We could die from so many things. Death was a sad thing for those left behind and it still is. But spend some time in a nursing home like I did and you'll see a whole new world and if you're like me, it will scare the hell out of you.
Replies
I understand. My mom will be 80 on January 9th, if she makes it that long. She is on her deathbed. However, her heart is strong. She took such good care of herself, but has Parkinsons (diagnosed about 10 years ago) and dementia. She has lived in a memory care facility for a year now. My poor dad has been on a roller coaster ride - not thinking she will live one day then she is better again the next day (or even later the same day!). She has no quality of life anymore. My parents are very religious and have faith she will go to a better place. My dad cannot understand why she is still here (on hospice, though, so not pursuing extending her life by extraordinary means). My husband went so very quickly and had just turned 59. He took fairly good care of himself. Yet he smoked and drank in his younger days (my mom never did). He used to say \"You have to die from something\". Seeing my mom (and dad) I have wondered if really wanted to live to be that old - especially if no quality of life is there. However, I take fairly good care of myself, mainly because it makes me feel better for now...I won\'t want extraordinary measures when my time comes, either. God only knows, I guess...
Gosh It reminds me of some of the same things I wondered about.....
RE: chemo I won\'t take it again, I will go to Australia (on my bucket list) come back and kiss my ass goodbye....my oncologist firmly believe me...
I need to lose 20 - 30 pounds. I know it is because I drink too much booze, live a seditary lifestyle and don\'t exercise. I would love to lose 20-30 pounds. It is always at the back of my mind. At the same time I want someone to love and accept me just the way that I am now in my body. I do want to drink less booze and try to eat healthier. We shall see how this goes. I want someone to love me just the way that I am now in my life. I am a work in progress from Diane B.