A Calm day... thank God

Today's been a relatively good day. It's been uneventful, and fairly peaceful. I'm so thankful for all of that after the last few days. 

It gets wearing, and exhausting when day after day I end up dealing with unexpected fits of anger - for no justified reason, as well as dealing with his sudden urges to rearrange things without asking me first. He knows I like things here in our apartment arranged a certain way, but when he decides it's " not " how it should be there's no stopping him. Thankfully I haven't had to deal with that today.

I hope that the peace continues for the rest of this week. It would be great to get through the week with true peace between us for once. Of course if I should dare ask him - or confront him - about any of this, you can be sure that he would deny there's a problem.

That's part of a type of personality disorder, isn't it ?... where the person denies there's a problem, and also tends to blame others - and other situations - for the problem, instead. 

Right now he's asleep... taking a nap. The sad part of all of this is that during these times that's the most calmest, and most peaceful moments I get with him living here with me. I know that it shouldn't be this way. I really do, and yet here I am. I'm still hoping and praying that things will turn out different than all of the other times. He's shown some signs that my wish may come true, but that was the case many other times in the past - and still he ended up leaving me... over and over, etc. 

What surprises me the most - and I'm almost positive he doesn't understand this - is that those many times he left hurt me so much that it's very hard to forget - and completely forgive - that kind of pain. I'm only human after all, and it seems like he forgets this fact. He expects me to put aside all of my fears caused by him shattering my heart over and over many times, and act like none of it ever happened. He doesn't realize how much he's truly asking of me. I don't think he does.