A BETTER DAY....

June 30, 2009:  Well, today was a bit better...  I am still not feeling very well so I slept in....WAY IN! (Noon) I hadn't been up too long when there was a knock at the door.  Adam answered it.  I was at the kitchen sink and have a straight view to the door.  I actually squealed!  It was Scott's friend Jeremy. (He is the Marine in the photo with Scott)  Jeremy is like another of my boys.  He was here, as often as not, when he and Scott were young.  Throughout his whole tour (8 years) he has called me from where ever and came to visit on every single leave!  I just hugged and hugged him.  In a way it was like I was hugging Scott.  It was such a bright spot to my day.  And, again, I feel so blessed to have so many young people in my life. Yesterday, amongst all the chaos, another friend of Scott's called.  She wanted my address so she could send an invitation to attend her baby shower.  Again, blessings. I often feel bad about myself as a mother.  I have made many, many, mistakes....still do, I am sure.  And yet, there must be something to me for all these young people to keep me in their lives.  I do know I have loved my children, and many others, with ALL my heart.  Apparently they know that.  I was always a safe house.  I always listened to them. (and still do)  I never minced words and often parroted their own parents. (and still do) They have always known I care.  Many came/come to me, before their parents, to break whatever news they had.  I always let them know I was here for them. And, in many instances, I told them they better tell their parents, or I would.  But, I was still here.  I have always done that with my own children.  So, I am going to, along with many other changes, try not to beat myself up, so much, for all I did wrong.  I am going to try and see what these young people see in me and think of what I did right.  Anyway, it was nice to have a better day.  Not a great day, but a better one.  I will be so glad when I am over whatever this "ICK" is.  I got so dizzy, at one point, I had to sit down for a bit.  I did, however, vacuum!  WHEW!  I just could not stand it one more minute!  And, I actually folded the laundry I washed!  Oh, before, I neatly laid the dryed clothes on the basket.  But, by the time I get around to folding them, I have to put them back in the dryer to get rid of the wrinkles.  Pitiful!  I just have ZERO energy!  Ah, well, it is what it is.