UPDATE
I joined this group back in 2009 (or was it 2010?). My husband died on January 2009 - he slipped on an icy patch, struck his head on the ice/pavement, suffered a major subdural hematoma, and was brain dead upon arrival to the ER. It is what is called a "virtual decapitation". We buried him six days later.
After his death, after I got up from shiva (weeklong Jewish mourning period) I discovered that he had never written a will, never changed beneficiaries on his retirement accounts after his first wife divorced him, and that he had let two out of three life insurance policies lapse.
His ex-wife, who is a "witch with a capital 'B'", then proceeded to turn his four daughters against me. For the ten years I was married to their father I had treated those girls as my own -- helping to pay for their very expensive private school educations, shlepping them to/from extra-curricular activities, taking them shopping, paying for each one to spend a year living in Israel, planning and paying for Bat Mitzvahs (2), and for the oldest daughter's wedding. I had one daughter, from my first marriage, who lived with us full time. She loved my late husband and he loved her.
The ex-wife and the four daughters conspired to sue me in two separate lawsuits, in two different courts (family and probate), designed cleverly to put me in a corner - the probate court was asked to predicate it's decision on the decision of the family court. Bear this in mind, the youngest of the four girls was 17 when Barry died, and turned 18 six months later. Even so, family court cares only about one thing: "the poor children". Family court returned decision after decision against me, and the probate court supported that. In the end, I lost just about everything: my house, my car, the money in the bank, the life insurance (amazingly enough, since I was the sole named beneficiary on that account!), and most of the retirement money! In the process, I also lost his family, since the girls repeated their mother's lies to their grandparents and aunts/uncles. So, on top of the loss of my beloved husband, I lost nearly everything else!
I blame my late husband most of all for this -- he was, after all, negligent and irresponsible for having not kept his affairs in order. Had he done so, none of this would have happened.
I was able to salvage one relationship, that of my friendship with the older of Barry's two younger sisters. She initially had joined with the girls against me, but then one day she overheard them talking. She did not like the tone of what they were saying and she confronted them. After speaking with them and questioning them further, she realized that their mother was truly out for my blood and that she had successfully recruited the girls to that effort. She then reached out to me, and apologized. She had, since that time, attempted to run interference for me with her family and with the court. Neither effort was successful, but rebuilding our relationship has been successful.
She is the only one from Barry's immediate family with whom I am in touch. I have been attempting to rebuild my connections to his extended family as well, with only mild success.
In May 2010 I moved from Teaneck, NJ to Baltimore, MD. The move was a result of the litigation in which I lost my house and home and my job due to the stress and could no longer afford to live in Teaneck, NJ. This was no easy move for me -- I had lived in Teaneck for ten years, and both my late husband and I had been very active in our shul and our community. But I had no choice. Baltimore was a far more affordable place in which to live. It also offered a religious, Jewish community (I am an Orthodox Jew) which was a necessity for me in whatever community I would choose to live.
I did not know a soul in Baltimore. But G-d was watching over me and showering me with His "Hashgacha Pratis" (Divine Providence). I found a gorgeous and large apartment in which to live, that was also affordable. I found a boarder to take in to share the expenses with and to make it even more affordable for myself.
I needed/wanted to find a shul (synagogue) to join. I had decided on the following course of action: every Shabbat (Sabbath) I would go to a different shul until I found one that would be best for me. Well, that first Shabbat I went to the shul closest to me -- and I never left! I was blown away by the warmth and welcoming I was given by the Rabbi and the shul members. It was truly amazing. I was further blown away by the Rabbi's brilliance and ability to teach and speak. I joined this shul and never missed a shiur (lesson) given by this Rabbi.
I was given so much "chizuk" (strength, support) by my new friends at this shul. I consider Baltimore to have been a much needed haven and respite for me. Shortly after I moved to Baltimore, my brother and his family (wife and 6 kids) moved there from Los Angeles. I now had familial support nearby!
I did not stay in Baltimore for very long though. I remained there for 14 months before moving on once again -- this time in pursuit of a long held dream. My late husband and I had long dreamed of, and planned to, go to live in Israel. We'd thought we would make aliyah (immigrate to Israel) in August 2010. He died before that could happen. I thought I would stick to that plan but the decidedly nasty litigation in which I found myself unwillingly embroiled put a stop to that. I had to wait.
In July 2011, nearly 2.5 torturous years after the death of my beloved husband, the litigation came to an end. In August 2011 I made aliyah -- I shipped all of my possessions to Israel, boarded an El Al plane, and went to Israel. I have made my home in a beautiful and wonderful community in Israel called Hashmonaim. Many of my friends from Teaneck, NJ had also made aliyah and they are living in Hashmonaim. Additionally, most of the people in Baltimore with whom I had become closest, also moved to Israel. Furthermore, my married daughter and her family live here, my mechutenet (mother of my son in law) lives nearby, and my sister and her family also live in Israel. One of her daughters is married and has a young son. My family is once again growing, nearby, and supportive.
I have now been in Israel for nearly a year (it will be a year in about a week, on August 16th, 2012)! I do plan to celebrate!
I know I have not posted here in a very long time but I did gain some much needed support from the members of this groups and so I wanted to update you all and to say thank you. I am not leaving this group but I do not know if I will be active. I am, however, going to be joining another group. This time it is support group for people who undergo surgery that requires wearing either a Taylor Spatial Frame or an Ilizarov Frame. I have a "deformity" in my right leg -- one that is not noticeable but that causes me pain. I have, over the years, had to severely cut down my level of activity in order to not feel that pain. I have never been happy about that. But it took years of visits to many different doctors to finally receive the correct diagnosis and to be offered a solution. That solution is surgery.
The surgery is to correct an external malrotation of my right tibial bones and also something called "genu vara" which I think is a slight bowing out of my leg. My knee has suffered arthritis as a result of the malrotation and the doctor has told me he will "unload" the knee during the surgery. The surgery will involve two cuts to the bone - one lateral and one vertical, and then the wearing of the Taylor Spatial Frame which is a device that is a frame around the leg, screwed into the bones, that will require daily periodic adjustments of the screws (sound painful to me!). Since I am terrified of the pain, I am joining the support group that exists on Daily Strength in the hopes of receiving some of the same support I received here, in this Widows support group.
Thank you all and may you all be blessed with an ultimately happy journey through life.
Rachel
After his death, after I got up from shiva (weeklong Jewish mourning period) I discovered that he had never written a will, never changed beneficiaries on his retirement accounts after his first wife divorced him, and that he had let two out of three life insurance policies lapse.
His ex-wife, who is a "witch with a capital 'B'", then proceeded to turn his four daughters against me. For the ten years I was married to their father I had treated those girls as my own -- helping to pay for their very expensive private school educations, shlepping them to/from extra-curricular activities, taking them shopping, paying for each one to spend a year living in Israel, planning and paying for Bat Mitzvahs (2), and for the oldest daughter's wedding. I had one daughter, from my first marriage, who lived with us full time. She loved my late husband and he loved her.
The ex-wife and the four daughters conspired to sue me in two separate lawsuits, in two different courts (family and probate), designed cleverly to put me in a corner - the probate court was asked to predicate it's decision on the decision of the family court. Bear this in mind, the youngest of the four girls was 17 when Barry died, and turned 18 six months later. Even so, family court cares only about one thing: "the poor children". Family court returned decision after decision against me, and the probate court supported that. In the end, I lost just about everything: my house, my car, the money in the bank, the life insurance (amazingly enough, since I was the sole named beneficiary on that account!), and most of the retirement money! In the process, I also lost his family, since the girls repeated their mother's lies to their grandparents and aunts/uncles. So, on top of the loss of my beloved husband, I lost nearly everything else!
I blame my late husband most of all for this -- he was, after all, negligent and irresponsible for having not kept his affairs in order. Had he done so, none of this would have happened.
I was able to salvage one relationship, that of my friendship with the older of Barry's two younger sisters. She initially had joined with the girls against me, but then one day she overheard them talking. She did not like the tone of what they were saying and she confronted them. After speaking with them and questioning them further, she realized that their mother was truly out for my blood and that she had successfully recruited the girls to that effort. She then reached out to me, and apologized. She had, since that time, attempted to run interference for me with her family and with the court. Neither effort was successful, but rebuilding our relationship has been successful.
She is the only one from Barry's immediate family with whom I am in touch. I have been attempting to rebuild my connections to his extended family as well, with only mild success.
In May 2010 I moved from Teaneck, NJ to Baltimore, MD. The move was a result of the litigation in which I lost my house and home and my job due to the stress and could no longer afford to live in Teaneck, NJ. This was no easy move for me -- I had lived in Teaneck for ten years, and both my late husband and I had been very active in our shul and our community. But I had no choice. Baltimore was a far more affordable place in which to live. It also offered a religious, Jewish community (I am an Orthodox Jew) which was a necessity for me in whatever community I would choose to live.
I did not know a soul in Baltimore. But G-d was watching over me and showering me with His "Hashgacha Pratis" (Divine Providence). I found a gorgeous and large apartment in which to live, that was also affordable. I found a boarder to take in to share the expenses with and to make it even more affordable for myself.
I needed/wanted to find a shul (synagogue) to join. I had decided on the following course of action: every Shabbat (Sabbath) I would go to a different shul until I found one that would be best for me. Well, that first Shabbat I went to the shul closest to me -- and I never left! I was blown away by the warmth and welcoming I was given by the Rabbi and the shul members. It was truly amazing. I was further blown away by the Rabbi's brilliance and ability to teach and speak. I joined this shul and never missed a shiur (lesson) given by this Rabbi.
I was given so much "chizuk" (strength, support) by my new friends at this shul. I consider Baltimore to have been a much needed haven and respite for me. Shortly after I moved to Baltimore, my brother and his family (wife and 6 kids) moved there from Los Angeles. I now had familial support nearby!
I did not stay in Baltimore for very long though. I remained there for 14 months before moving on once again -- this time in pursuit of a long held dream. My late husband and I had long dreamed of, and planned to, go to live in Israel. We'd thought we would make aliyah (immigrate to Israel) in August 2010. He died before that could happen. I thought I would stick to that plan but the decidedly nasty litigation in which I found myself unwillingly embroiled put a stop to that. I had to wait.
In July 2011, nearly 2.5 torturous years after the death of my beloved husband, the litigation came to an end. In August 2011 I made aliyah -- I shipped all of my possessions to Israel, boarded an El Al plane, and went to Israel. I have made my home in a beautiful and wonderful community in Israel called Hashmonaim. Many of my friends from Teaneck, NJ had also made aliyah and they are living in Hashmonaim. Additionally, most of the people in Baltimore with whom I had become closest, also moved to Israel. Furthermore, my married daughter and her family live here, my mechutenet (mother of my son in law) lives nearby, and my sister and her family also live in Israel. One of her daughters is married and has a young son. My family is once again growing, nearby, and supportive.
I have now been in Israel for nearly a year (it will be a year in about a week, on August 16th, 2012)! I do plan to celebrate!
I know I have not posted here in a very long time but I did gain some much needed support from the members of this groups and so I wanted to update you all and to say thank you. I am not leaving this group but I do not know if I will be active. I am, however, going to be joining another group. This time it is support group for people who undergo surgery that requires wearing either a Taylor Spatial Frame or an Ilizarov Frame. I have a "deformity" in my right leg -- one that is not noticeable but that causes me pain. I have, over the years, had to severely cut down my level of activity in order to not feel that pain. I have never been happy about that. But it took years of visits to many different doctors to finally receive the correct diagnosis and to be offered a solution. That solution is surgery.
The surgery is to correct an external malrotation of my right tibial bones and also something called "genu vara" which I think is a slight bowing out of my leg. My knee has suffered arthritis as a result of the malrotation and the doctor has told me he will "unload" the knee during the surgery. The surgery will involve two cuts to the bone - one lateral and one vertical, and then the wearing of the Taylor Spatial Frame which is a device that is a frame around the leg, screwed into the bones, that will require daily periodic adjustments of the screws (sound painful to me!). Since I am terrified of the pain, I am joining the support group that exists on Daily Strength in the hopes of receiving some of the same support I received here, in this Widows support group.
Thank you all and may you all be blessed with an ultimately happy journey through life.
Rachel
Replies
I am so happy that you achieved your dream of living in Israel, and that you have so much family and support there. I loved reading this--what a wonderful story. Good luck to you with your surgery, but, it seems that you are strong enough to make it through anything!