update

i haven't written in here for awhile, sorry that i haven't and thank you to everyone who helped me and gave me kind words and advice along the way.  i talked to my doctor and he suggested some things to help me with the xanax problem. so far things are going well and im proud of myself. its been hell though. withdrawals are horrible. i haven't taken a xanax in 3 days now without a panic attack. before i eat dinner ill sometimes take a zantac (which my dr says is okay to take) to ease my mind about eating. before all this happened, i had my ultra sound and the doctor put this tv screen in front of me and i saw the whole thing. it was amazing! she focused on the babys head and you could see the profile so perfect and it was opening and closing its mouth, it was too cute. it was moving its arms and feet around a lot, just adorable. after that it really made me think about what im doing to my body and how its affecting my baby...so i got that extra oomph i needed to get me through all this.  i dont have any more bleeding either, so things are going great with that. ive been swimming a lot too, it eases my mind just to relax in the pool...but still not really going out because i dont talk to anyone really...just my best friend josh.  tomorrow i see my psych., so we'll see what he says about everything...more on the whole drug situation.