today the detective is coming over to take my statement.i want to deny this is happening so badly. i almost did, i almost made myself believe that what really happened wasn't the truth. because the truth makes it so much worse, and so much more scarier. i realize that i need to do whats right, no matter how hard it is. no one deserves this pain, this anger, this hurt...this loss of control. i have to think, it keeps slipping away.we were dropping off a friend of theirs. they were drunk. i was anxious already that day so i took a couple xanax. we dropped her off. i started feeling nervous when he tried holding my hand. i decided to pretend to call a friend so we would have something to do and not end up back at their house. so we just drove around for awhile while i said she was going to get ready. then it seemed they were sobering up and i told them she couldn't make it and just to drop me off back at my house because i had to be home soon anyway. they parked behind my house at the park. i was in the backseat, he came back there and started touching me. i cant believe it. i froze, i fucking froze. i pushed him away, more as of jokingly manner, even though i wasn't. his friend came in the backseat. they just wouldnt stop touching me. they were saying things like 'oh we should have an orgy'...'let's have a threesome'. that's when i should have gotten out of the car. i should have ran like fucking hell. i was frozen, i can't explain it any differently. they both started grabbing at me and kissing me on my neck. then they were making comments to each other, like cheering the other one on. they raped me.  they were supposed to be my friend.i told him about the other rapes. i told him i would never go to the police. he knew. he knew how hurt i was. i hope this saves someone else's soul, because mine is broken. i hope im saving a life.