Well, my surgery is a couple of weeks away. (dec. 1). I've had the pre-op class, my insurance has cleared, I've had all the testing done, I've lost the weight (and a bit extra-yay me!). If my tests come back good then I'm in the clear. It's the echo that worries me. That's the only thing that could stop the surgery. I want to get it done because my co-pays and deductibles go up each new year. I'm getting excited. The truth of the matter is that I'm getting a little freaked out. (I just posted about this in the gb board but I wanted to write in my journal too). I am trying to think of the end result but I keep thinking about the "what ifs". What if I don't survive surgery or worse what if I screw it up and don't lose weight, or lose weight and gain it all back, what if I hit a plateau and give up (which has been my m. o. for as long as I can remember), what if I can't stop eating when I'm supposed to, what if I lose control and have a binge, what if I give into cravings for pizza or cheesecake or a big juicy hamburger. I really want this surgery and I'm willing to do what I have to, but I haven't been able to control my eating for a long period of time. I do well for a while, then something stressful happens and Ieither binge or I just throw in the towel and revert back to my old habits. What if I do that after surgery-or six months out? It's like I have two opposite forces pulling me in two directions- the desire to be thin vs the desire to overeat. I don't know how I'll deal with this when I have surgery. I can't afford to screw this up. I need this to work, but I'm afraid I can't do it. I'm also afraid something will happen that I won't be able to get the surgery. Are all these mixed emotions normal before surgery?
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Oh sweety, am so happy for you and your date is getting so close!!! December 1st is less than 2 weeks away now!
Don\'t worry or stress though!! I promise you won\'t screw this up. I remember wondering how i was gonna deal with my food cravings and being hungry and if I\'d be able to control myself. But remember, they cut that nerve in your stomach that tells your brain you are hungry! I honestly didn\'t feel any sort of hunger or cravings or anything like that for a good 7 months post op. I\'m 9 months out now, and I do get a little hungry, but nothing as compared to preop. I was so controlled by the thought and enjoyment of food, but now I am free!! And soon you will too!!! I wish you all the best in the world. Keep updating, I\'m just so proud of how far you have come. I remember months ago you struggling for just a few steps on the treadmill and now, here you are about to have your surgery! Great job hun! You deserve all the rewards you are about to recieve and experience. God Bless!!!