Well, I just finished writing this extremely long j ournal, spilling my guts about all my emotions and things in the past, things I neededd to get out, feelings, regrets, guilt, yada yada...then I lost it. Well I guess it was meant to be. I put alot of personal stuff in it and I was going to mark it personal anyway. The gist of it is that I still have alot of things from the past that are coming  up. I needed to journal about them and cry. I did that so now I have to decide whether I want to keep drowning myself in my own tears and regrets or get over it and get to work. I can live in the past or I can create a better future. Sure, the past sucked, but the future doesn't have to be that way. Don't get me wrong, I really needed to write about it and get those tears out, but if I stay here and wallow in it, the bad guys win. The "fat monster" wins. I'm sorry it got erased, but i will assume it's for the best. The important thing is that I got it out of my system, at least for the time being, and I'm ready to put it behind and get started doing things right. I know I will still struggle, but I feel renewed and motivated, whereas before I journaled I felt sad and defeated. So in the immortal words of Aretha Franklin (I think),  I will survive. I can do this. I will succeed. I deserve a better life and only I can make it happen.