Well, just as I feared. I weighed in today and didn't lose any weight. That's alright though. I just need to step up my work some. I did have more bad days than good this week so its to be expected. The first time I tried the treadmill this morning, I could only get to 80 something steps (83 I think). But I think the girls moved the speed up. I put the speed down just a tad, and after resting and having breakfast I did another 120 steps. I had 2 granola bars for breakfast (280 cal total). I am resolving to be more careful about what I eat, and I am going to try the treadmill 3x on most days. I'm starting to let excuses creep in and I need to remind myself that not everything in life is about comfort. Exercise and eating healthy are mandatory. I would like to talk about some problems with my kids I need to get off my chest. I can't eat my problems away anymore, so I need to rant a little and get them out. Last night I went into my sons room to look for my stereo. I found it, but I also found a can of paint thinner. I took it from him and he got very upset. I asked whyhe would need paint thinner and he said he used it to get some stuff off at the dorms. I refused to give it to him and he was so angry and when that I felt sure that he was using it for huffing. When I told him that he denied it shouting at me. and when I asked why he wanted it back so much he would only say because it was his, and how I would like it if I took some of my stuff. Then he started taking stuff out of my room. he took 2 tables and stupid stuff. He obviously wanted a fight, so I just laughed at him, but he wouldn't put the stuff back. Now it's morning and I don't know if I should just drop in and let him keep the stuff to show him that his actions didn't get the expected result or should i demand that he put the stuff back and risk getting into a power struggle? I'm thinking that he will just lose privileges until he puts it back. When he calms down we can talk about it. However, I don't know what good talking will do since he never tells the truth anyway. I'm considering calling his P.O. and telling him he needs to find him another place to live. I'm afraid that will be a cut that might sever the relationship, but it's kind of a one sided relationship anyway. I don't want him to think I'm giving up on him, b ut he needs to know that he needs to be respectful and appreciate all I've done for him. I never minded making sacrafices for my kids, but I hoped that one day they would look back and see what I've done for them and appreciate it. Then, this morning, may daughter left early to go on a trip to the city. She apparently got lost and was calling me and I had left my cell in the other room so I didnt hear it when she called. When I finally called her back she was upset and yelling at me as to why I didnt answer when she needed me. She's a good kid. She is raising twin baby girls alone and working and going to school. She often tells me she appreciates what I do for her, but from time to time she gets bitchy and I'm usually the target. I don't usually mind too much because I know she's just a kid and she has alot on her plate and for the most part she does good. It's just that today her timing really sucked. So now I feel sad and unloved and alone and I don't like it much. I love these kids so much and it hurts when things are not right. I don't know if they will ever be right with my son. I've missed his whole teenage years due to his being incarcerated and now I can't even relate to him. I know he lies more than he tells the truth and that he's not interested in leaving the drugs alone and that at heart he's a great kid. I wish I could reach him but I don't have a clue as to how. Sorry t his is so long, but as I said I really needed to vent and this is the best place to do it.
Replies
Oh baby. Tough love is so hard for us parents. I recently had to cut my daughter-in-law out of my life, and it has negatively affected my relationship with my son. So I can so relate. We just can\'t allow toxic people to influence our lives, and must do what is necessary to protect ourselves.
I honestly don\'t think you are doing any favors for your son by allowing his behavior to continue. He needs a new place to live, and you should inform his P. O. that you suspect he may be huffing, cause that can result in serious lung damage or death. He needs more help than you can give him. You can sacrifice to a point, but at some time you have to put you first. It sounds like he needs serious drug abuse treatment or something terrible is going to happen.
It does sound like your daughter had a really bad day and was scared, so I would just chalk it up to bad timing, like you said. My daughter is 26, and lives with us. She is pregnant with her first child and being induced next Tues. But even before she was pregnant she could be bitchy. I always laughed and said she got that from me!
I talk to a therapist when these issues get me down. But I\'ll tell you why I cut my daughter-in-law from my life. She is the most dysfunctional person I know. She was a victim of incest at 13, got addicted to hydrocodone at 14, and just never had any role models. I tried to help her but no success. She is pregnant with another man\'s child, and has left my son 3 times. This baby could be one of 3 different men\'s child. My son is determined to stick with her and raise this child as his.
She has alienated everyone in my family. She says the most terrible things about my daughters. While pregnant, she continues to smoke and take Lortabs. She said if the baby was a boy, she didn\'t think she could love it, cause it might look like the father. She said she wanted to abort if it was a boy, but that my son would not let her. And she said if it was a girl, she would stop \"everything\" she is doing. The last ultrasound showed it was a boy, so I fully expect her to seek an abortion.
I miss my son, but I will be there for him if things fall apart. I suspect he is abusing prescription pain meds also, but don\'t know for sure. Don\'t we have some messed up families?
Look after yourself, sweetie. Stop taking the abuse. You\'ll still have your daughter no matter what, and your son needs more help than you can give him.
Teri
Sorry to hear you are struggling....the kids are such a trial at times...but I agree with homegal...there comes a time when you have to put your survival first. I am getting to that point as well. If your son will not respect your rules....and I don\'t know what is up with the paint thinner, but it sounds fishy.....what choice do you have but to have him go?
What he did with your furniture was inappropriate. You do not have an \"equals\" relationship with him. It is your place, you are the Mom. He needs to abide by your rules. Tough love is not easy to do...but is the only thing to do at times!
The daughter...like you said...bad timing!!!
The timing is right....for you to take care of YOU. We can\'t change anyone else....we can only change ourselves.
I agree with both Teri and Truth, it sounds like your son has some very serious problems that really are impossible for you to handle without some professionals getting involved. The possibility of huffing the paint-thinner could lead to serious or tragic results.
I have no doubt that you love your kids totally and unconditionally, and that you have tried your hardest to cope. But there does come a time when you must do what is best for all concerned, and it sounds like you should get him to a place where he can get some professional attention.
Sorry your daughter blew up at you, but she was probably a complete \"raw nerve\" by the time you reached her. Just a bad circumstance. She\'s probably regretting it already. She knows you\'re there for her!
Prayers and hugs to you,
Becky