I seem to have gotten past my previous emotions for the time being, but now I have had another sudden death to deal with, my best friend passed away on the 29th from a massive heart attack.  I'm having a very hard time accepting this, I had just talked to him that morning on the computer and had planned to meet to have a week end chit chat session, which we always did, didn't matter what it was we just talked.  He was an absolutly amazing man, smart, witty, compassionate and loving, he drove me crazy sometimes and he had a habit of pissing me off with some of his comments, but sometimes things just came out of his mouth before he could think them through.  But it was ok.  When I got the call that he had gone down, my heart went into my throat and I got this cold feeling right in the middle of my chest, see, he'd been complaining of chest pains for about a month, I told him, you have insurance, go to the dr., but he told me it was probably from shoveling so much, he wasn't used to it, I told him over and over again, go to the dr., if it's nothing, great, but if it is something, maybe they can fix it, but again he didn't listen to me, and now I've lost my best friend.  He was a very lonely, as he was single and gay, and couldn't seem to find a companion, and he would talk my ear off about this.  God, I hate this, you couldn't have asked for a better friend and I'm going to miss him terribly.  RIP my friend, Ilove and miss you.