It's been such a very long time since I've been here.  PJ's angel date is tomorrow, although Tues. was the day that he comitted suicide, and my life ceased to exist as a normal one.  It still feels like it happened just yesterday, I can see everything I did that day, it's kind of scary, when you feel as though your life hasn't moved one bit.  Still seeing the dr., and am now on anti depressants, they really don't seem to help awhole lot, but I do seem to be able to hide my feelings alittle better.  People who don't know me would never guess that I'm dead inside, that's how I feel.  I'm still not sure if I'm ever going to be able to put this behind me and move on, seems impossible.  My big goober is gone forever and I don't think I want to go on in a life without him in it.  I'm not forgetting my 2 other sons, who I love with all my heart, but they have their lives pretty well together, where as mine totally sucks.  I miss PJ so damn much, his dramatics, his stories, his life, I've never hurt this much in my entire life, the pain is incredible, but as I said, I hide it well.  Please, if anyone thinks of it, please say a prayer for PJ tomorrow.