Well, I made it through Thanksgiving, it really was an awful day, I'm so used to calling my boys and wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving and I couldn't call PJ. What am I going to do? I think these holidays are going to be the toughest of my life, not sure if I even want to deal with them. My youngest son is taking this really bad, I suggested he talk to his dr. about the way he's feeling, I get very scared, he's so far away, and there's not alot I can do to comfort him, except talking, and we do that every night. He can make me laugh at times, he's starting to tell me stories of when they were kids, and the things that they'd do that I never knew about!! He's such a good kid, not really a kid, he's 31, and my baby!! But I still worry. Also my youngest brother came for Thanksgiving, he's divorced and doesn't talk to any of the family except me, so that was nice, he's the one I called to take care of PJ, he works in a funeral home in Boston, and wouldn't let anyone else touch PJ. His boss asked him if he was going to ok doing this, and he said that this was going to the last thing he was ever going to be able to do for him, so nobody else touched PJ, except the medical examiner. I also found out that PJ's skull bones were extremely thin, and when he was being held in jail, a couple of the gaurds slammed his head into the bars of a cell, he had a large cut going down from just above his eyebrow to below his eye, and during the autopsy, they found a healed fracture exactly were they had slammed him into the bars, there was still blood between the bone and the lining of the brain. Did this cause his thinking to be screwed up, I wonder? I mean there was pressure there, it must have done something to impair his perception of things. I want to write to the Dept. of corrections about this matter, although I know it won't do any good. He was only being held in lieu of bail, he hadn't even been found innocent or guilty. I thought in this society you were innocent until proven guilty, and these were the guards that did this, guess not, your guilty until proven innocent, this makes me so mad, it's not right, and know my son is dead, because he was so scared of being found guilty of something he didn't do. Makes me hate the judicial system, there is no fairness in it unless you have money to hire a top notch lawyer, which we didn't, and that makes me feel guilty as hell, that I couldn't get him out of there faster than we did. I don't know what to do, this feeling is awful. Your supposed to be able to protect your kids, even when they're 33, and I couldn't do that. What kind of mother am I? Pretty awful as far as I'm concerned. I wonder what kind of thanksgiving this girl and her family had, it may sound really awful, but I hope they choked on their turkey. I want them to suffer and hurt as bad as I am. Maybe I'm as bad as they are, but it's the truth, I want payback. I miss my son and I'll never get over that. This whole thing just plain wasn't right from the very beginning. But as the old adage goes, "what goes around, comes around", and I can only hope that they get their's in the end. I love you PJ, and I hope your happy where ever you are.