Hello again friends, I know it's been awhile, I think I've been in a perpetual funk these past 6 months, it's 6 months today that PJ took his life, sometimes I think this part is worse than the day he did it.  I can't believe that this amount of time has gone by already, where did it go?  Where have I been?  I miss him so much, it's an actual pain in my heart, I can't believe I'll never see him again or talk to him or hug him, God it hurts so bad.  Does the pain ever go away.  Sometimes I'd rather be with him,  I think it would be easier than trying to survive in this world.  All I want is peace, and it's just not happening.  I always thought I was a strong person, but this just showed me that I'm not, I don't want to wake up in the morning, I find no joy in life, nothing makes me happy, of course I'm turning into a great fake, I can hide my feeling like you wouldn't believe.  I don't want to burden my family with these feeling, and I'm not sure what they'd do or feel, so I just hold it in.  I want to be normal, whatever that is, I don't remember anymore.