Hello my friends, Well, I made it through PJ's birthday, God it was awful, seems like all I did was cry. I don't think the grief is going away, I think I'm just learning to hide it better, isn't that awful. I don't want to burden my friends my talking about PJ all the time, I imagine that they get tired of hearing it, bacause that's all I want to talk about, like maybe if I talk about him , it's like he's not gone. I do have one friend who isn't afraid to ask me any question about PJ or how he died, the other day she said this may sound gross or whatever, but is it worse the way PJ died or if he had died of natural causes, of course the way he died was harder, but I think that's a sign of a friend who really cares and wants to know your feelings, she's a good friend. So, I'm at the point where I don't talk about him as much and just go about my business, people seem to think that just because it's been 13 weeks, that I should be over it!! I wish they could walk in my shoes for just one day and then see what they'd say! I miss him so much every single day, and my heart hurts so much. I was talking to my mother the other night, she passed in 87, and I asked her if I was being punished for something that I had done during my life, and clear as a bell, I heard in my head her telling me "NO", it is just life Bevie, things that we have to deal with everyday, Mom was very cool, always had a cliche' for everything! So, I know PJ is ok and that Mom and everyone is with him, I just wish I was too. Or maybe I'm just hearing things in my head that I want to hear, who knows, but this life I've been dealt at the moment really sucks.
Replies
I know that how you feel. It has only been almost 4 months since my Jim passed and I feel like people expect me to be okay. I was so touched this morning when I was telling my car mechanic about how I didn\'t really trust my driving yet. He knew my son and was VERY sad to hear what happened. He said, \"well, you just can\'t stop thinking about him.\" Not judgmentally, as fact. When people are understanding it just blows you away!
Susannah
I have had many conversations with Alex in my head....listen to your mom...you have done nothing...shit happens. I really doubt your friends expect you to be \"over it\" in 13 weeks...I think they just HOPE you are...naive as that may be. I think you should be up front with them...talk about your son...if it is too much for them...then they may disappear...but maybe that is okay too. You need to be able to honest...this is hard...so hard...and you would be better if you could. Your loss is so recent...that is the rawest pain...over time that raw pain will change...and you will learn to cope with this tragedy. You take care of yourself...love and hugs...Karen
It has been just a short time ago that i was in your place: only 4 months into this journey. I promise you that you will be amazed at where you will be in just a few months. I do not promise you that it will get easier, because it does not. It just gets different. I think people are not necessarily tired of hearing of us talk of our kids, but that they cannot relate. So there is no more point in talking to deaf ears. They have said \"I am sorry\" and what more can they say? That is why this group has been a life saver for me. We understand the need to keep talking about our kids. Take care and know that we care. Love, Belinda
As Belinda says, this group understands what it is we are all going through and have been through since our darling children died. I found so many of my friends did not know what to say or how to say it so I restricted a lot of conversation to this group for a long time. It got me through. Now it\'s 15 months and often no easier, I still find myself sobbing without any particular trigger, but I am learning how to cope when I am with other people. I have been through two of Frazer\'s birthdays now without him and they are definitely the hardest for me. Take care, big hugs, Charlotte.
It is good that you have a friend that is willing to sit and talk to you about PJ. People don\'t realize how much we need to talk about our kids and how we don\'t want them to be forgotten. I have gotten to the point that I just tell them that I WANT to talk about him. Hang in there and remember that we are here for you and would love to hear about PJ anytime you feel like talking. Hugs, Kim
I work with some really wonderful people and they told me that they just weren\'t sure what to say in those early months. They wanted me to talk if I needed too but they didn\'t want to make me more sad by bringing up the subject. I think for the most part, people have good intentions, they just don\'t understand and we really don\'t want them too because it\'s the hardest thing for a parent to ever endure. Be gentle and patient. The pain will lessen but not for a while friend. Here for you. Robn
Thank you my friends, I don\'t know what I would do without all of you, it helps just being able to vent, and having someone understand. Love to all of you.
Bev