It' s so hard to believe that it's only been 5 1/2 weeks since PJ committed suicide, sometimes it feels like yesterday and at others it feels like forever. I hate this feeling, I have no energy, I have no nothing, just this totally empty feeling. I love to read and I don't even find any enjoyment in that anymore. I forget everything. If I had my way I'd stay in bed and not move. I just don't want to think anymore, all I think about is PJ. How the heck to you get back to some semblence of normal? I still have this heaviness in my chest, my stomach is always tied up in knots, I just feel like crap. I wish I could turn back time and make this all go away.
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Your loss is so recent...it is all consuming...please know that this is normal. It takes all your energy and definitely leaves you with confused feelings...because all you CAN feel is the absolute sorrow. You will begin to feel better, but it takes a lot of time. Do not expect a quick fix...try to rest when you can...but try not to live in the bed...you can become clinically depressed. Find little projects everyday to get you up and slightly distracted...love to you...Karen
Oh Honey, I know the feeling, I have thought if I could just pull the covers over my head and shut the world out for awhile. But, you can\'t you have to put one foot in front of the other and move. Something I did in the early days after everyone had went back to their lives because they do. Family and friends are there close by for awhile but then they have to resume their lives. Well I did daily tasks in small bits, I did not think about what all I had to do... I would just tell myself Ok, I have to get up and take a shower so I would do that. Then the next task and do just that and not beat myself up if all I did was get up and take a shower. I had accomplished something. Reading is hard I know because you can\'t focus right now. Just focus on small tasks for now and make yourself get up and move, eat something so your immune system does not get low. Thinking of you and sending you much love....Pam
Thank you Pam, that\'s exactly what I\'ve been trying to do, one task at a time, but even that is hard. eating stinks, nothing tastes good anymore, but I do that too, just not as much as I think I should as I\'m losing weight. I thank God everyday for my other 2 sons, without them I don\'t know what I would do. This has got to be the hardest thing in my entire life that I\'ve had to endure, I just feel empty inside except for this awful pain.
I too lost my son to suicide. He also hung himself. Just writing the words here mkes me want to break down and cry... Suicide stinks and the loss of a child hurts even more than anyone can imagine. I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is two years for me and i still have bouts of sadness, depression, etc. I remember the first year as a totally numb feeling. Life didn\'t matter and i had no interests except thinking of my son. The second year i could work a little more but believe me i think of my son every single day.
I wish i could tell you it will get better but i don\'t believe that.
Please try to take one day at a time... one task at a time. And be good to yourself rest eat well.
Hiugs to you,
Please message me if you need to talk, because i totally understand.
Susan
I can totally relate to what your saying, it\'s so hard to say those words, and when I have to I do cry, sometimes I just don\'t know what to do, I forget everything, although I do try to eat, only because I know I have to, nothing tastes good anymore. I\'m almost wishing I could get that numb feeling, it would be better than this pain, that just won\'t go away. I know my friends don\'t mind listening to me, but if I were them I would be, it seems all I want to talk about is PJ, not just about his death, but his life. I do work, which I really used to enjoy, but now it\'s just a job, something for me to do so I don\'t think to much,, which really isn\'t a good thing. I keep thinking about what he was thinking as he put that rope around his neck, I wish I had just one minute with him before that moment, I think that\'s the worst part, not being able to help him. Dear God in heaven, I\'m his mother, why couldn\'t he talk to me, why couldn\'t he tell me he was thinking of doing this. I just don\'t know anymore.
I lost my son 21 months ago. The first 12 months all I could do is cry and go for long walks. I still can\'t focus on anything. Nothing seems important anymore. People say \"Tony would want me to be happy.\" That means nothing to me....Tony would have wanted the best for everyone, but that is not to be. I hope you can find something to occupy your mind and give you a moments peace.