It' s so hard to believe that it's only been 5 1/2 weeks since PJ committed suicide, sometimes it feels like yesterday and at others it feels like forever.  I hate this feeling, I have no energy, I have no nothing, just this totally empty feeling.  I love to read and I don't even find any enjoyment in that anymore.  I forget everything.  If I had my way I'd stay in bed and not move.  I just don't want to think anymore, all I think about is PJ.  How the heck to you get back to some semblence of normal?  I still have this heaviness in my chest, my stomach is always tied up in knots, I just feel like crap.  I wish I could turn back time and make this all go away.