It's been 25 days now, since PJ died, seems totally impossible, that'll I'll never see my son again, to give him a hug or a kiss, or see that goofy grin of his. They say God never gives you more than you can handle, well to be honest I think he blew this one, I'm just tired of the constant pain, and it's a real pain, not something in my head, although, that's not normal either. I have a strong support system, but they just don't understand the pain of losing a child, I don't care how old that child was. PJ would have been 34 in August, but will always be my baby. I am having days where I don't cry on the outside, but always crying inside. All I want is my son back.
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I so remember those early days after Alex died. I remember saying that I had no idea that sorrow caused physical pain...but it does. The pain will eventually leave...the loss doesn\'t. I think what happens is that you have to \"get used\" to him not being around. And, belief it or not, somewhere along the way you do...even though you hate it and you don\'t want to EVER get used to it...but you are trying to survive...so your mind and your body do. I never realized how strong our will to survive truly is...you can do this. I hope you have a peaceful day. Love and hugs...Karen
Grieving is so stressful on the body. I was warned by someone at the funeral home to take care of myself..... \"like I would care.\"
Now understand what they were referring. The emotional stress wears the body down. Tony has been gone 20 months. Since he died I have started having physical problems. Anyone can talk to other DS moms and see how many are suffering some type of physical problem. Some of their illnesses are quite serious.
What I am trying to convey....take care of yourself. Try to sleep. If you cant sleep, ask your MD for some medication. Sleeping is like taking a mini vacation away from the pain of grief. I know it is almost impossible but try to take care. The grief of loosing our children is a heavy weight we will carry around the rest of our lives.
This is getting harder, I tried to help a friend yesterday who is in great mental distress and my husband got so pissed off, because I forgot we were supposed to go look at flowers, now he\'s talking about moving out. I honestly don\'t know how much more I can take. I\'m afraid to take any kind of meds, in case I forget how many I took, although sometimes I think that would be preferable to what I\'m feeling now. God, sometimes I think PJ had the right idea, it just doesn\'t seem worth going through all this. I\'m not a bad person why is this happening to me, I just don\'t understand.
Yesterday was really bad, seems alittle calmer know, don\'t know why, but I\'ll take what I can get at the moment.