Felt good yesterday, man did I feel ok. Played catch with my youngest and made a couple great meals for my boys; I love cooking for them. Today started out rough as I dreamt of Carrie all night, and I realized this morning I sent out 1/2 my resumes with the wrong phone #. But then I went outside and its so sunny out. I feel better now. Im not talking to the ex except about the kids. That makes me feel better. I dont like pretending to be friends with her in person or on the phone. I really dont like her right now. I have a lot of anger and hate. Not enough to eat me up, just enough to give me strength. Its going to be a long long time for me to fogive her, if ever. I just realize how weak she is. This thing with this guy, it isnt about love or himing being so great; its about her not wanting, or being able to spend a single day alone, or single. That is a lack of courage. I realize now, no matter how smart she is, or how great her job is, she is still a little girl inside. She is not all powerful and tough like the front she puts on to people. I may not have the great job, and people may not think im the greatest thing since sliced bread like her, but I can be alone. I am strong enough to overcome even this. Bad knee, no job, no money, divorce, apartment, bad car..... Doesnt matter. If she was in my shoes she would crawl into a ball and fail to live. She would need to move home with mommy. I am better than that. Now I just need to find a fricking job. I would advance so much right now emotionally if I didnt have the constant worry about bills and money. I dont need a lot of cash to be happy. I know that now. Just enough to pay the bills and have enough freedom to do some things once in a while. I am looking at the Electroneurodiagnostic (END) technology program at my local tech school. If I can get into that by summer of 2009, I will be fricking set for life man. It would be the perfect situation. One - its a job I would enjoy, and I could be part of helping people. Two - it pays good and the job market is blowing up. Three - its an Associate degree so when im done I can get my Bachelors part time!!! Everything I want for my future. I have to keep my fingers crossed that there isnt a 4 year waitlist. I should find out today.