Thursday, February 28, 2008

What a crappy day. I slept like crap last night so I was major tired this morning.  Then the stbx picked me up to go to the Bankruptcy lawyers office.  She was being all nice to me and frankly I didnt want to engage in social conversation with her, so I tried to ignore her for the most part. As the meeting with the Lawyer went on and on I got more upset.  It just brought back all the old feelings.  Her moving me out of the house so she could be with her boyfriend.  Her doing this when I am injured and not working.  Her being with him.  Us having to file bankruptcy because she wouldnt let me stay home and go on the road for work and catch us up.  Her new relationship ruining any chance of us being friends...etc...etc.. So she tried being nice to me in the truck again afterward and I was so emotionally drained; we ended up in a huge fight.  She told me that we are struggling because I need to man up and get over the fact she is seeing someone.   She said it was basically my fault (the way our relationship is now).    Well I just couldnt take that.  So I said to her, "right, because most people in a month can get over their love of 11 years fucking a new guy."     I told her, "how bout this? how about you tell your boyfriend you arent going to date him until your no longer married. You do that and we can get along fine till then."    Of course she doesnt see the logic in that. Just because im miserable, why shouldnt she be happy being with some new guy? I have to decide very soon what im going to do about all of this.   Maybe I should just get over it, and make the best of this whole thing that I can.  Im not saying I can forgive her, but I can maybe move on.  Let go of my anger and just be civil.   Id like to think thats possible. Im not really sure though.   Im so mad at her.