Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Things just dont go my way anymore.  I did a good job of avoiding the stbx all week last week, and I had a good weekend, despite her repeated attempts to talk to me. Then on monday morning she txts me that our son is sick.  So I had to respond.  She needed to drop him off so she could go to work.   Which she did.  Then she cornered me in my room and asked me to talk with her about my possible move.  So we talked about it, which I didnt want to do.  I basically told her I cant be friends with someone who was willing to screw someone else behind my back, knowing how much it hurt me.    We didnt get much accomplished as she doesnt know what to think about me moving, and my new attitude towards her. Anyways my son got sicker and by the time she came to pick him up it was apparent that he needed to go to the hospital.  She asked if I would come along so I could carrie him.  What was I going to say, no?  So I went.  We were there for hours, and my son has the Type A flu.   Then we went and grabbed dinner, and picked up his medicine and went back to my place. She stayed with us for a couple more hours.   I found my anger at her receding into the background, and a longing to touch her, to kiss her lips, to hold her.  I wanted to get on my knees and beg her to stop seeing the other guy, stop this crazy divorce stuff; let me prove to her we can work things out.  I hate feeling that way. I liked being angry and not seeing her much more.   Now today my son is with me again as he is to be out of school for at least 3 days. So now everytime she calls I have to answer,  and she is trying to be so nice to me.   I keep taking steps backwards because of all this.  Its so not fair.    This whole episode also makes me think about the fact that if I wasnt in Wausau, that my son wouldnt have me to be with him while he was sick.  I wouldnt have been able to be at the hospital with him.   Do I really want to lose that?   Of course if I dont find a job out here soon it wont matter; and being stuck at home with a 6 year old all week makes it hard to look for work.