Told Carrie about the possiblity of me moving.  I didnt want to fricking tell her till I had her face to face, but she told me if I didnt tell her what was on my mind that she was going to be pissed at me for the last 2 days she was in Ohio.You know I shouldnt give a shit.  But I figured if she was stewing at me for 2 straight days and then came home, our talk about my future would be much harder.  So I just told her.She said she needs time to think about it.  I bet she is laying on his chest right ffing now in the hotel room, talking to him about it. Which is EXACTLY why I didnt want to tell her this week.  I am such a fricking dumb ass.I keep getting quick images in my head of her with him. Or of her and me together in the past.  Like quick picture shows. I try to shut them out as fast as I can. I usually dont dwell on any one thought to long. Still they do succeed in making that sick feeling enter the pit of my stomach.  I wish the damn Doctor would give me another prescription for Larazapan.  But hes too damn scared ill try to kill myself with it.   Sucks cuss it was the only thing that made me feel good. Maybe i'll find a different doctor.The lonliness is really starting to kick in now; and God this is just the beginning.  I want to cry from the lack of affection.  The stbx never gave me near enough, but at least I got some. So I was low before all this happened, now my tank is empty.   Im so damn sad.I have to get my shit together soon. Come April 1st I wont have any money for rent.  I just dont know what to do anymore.  I feel a huge cry coming on, I wish it would just happen. I havent cried in like 2 weeks and I can feel it building up inside of me.  To make it happen though I would have to dwell on some sad thought, and I just cant deal with that right now.