Still very sad and high anxiety today.   I have so much I need to do, as far as making important phone calls and applying for jobs, but I have no energy to do them, and I want to hide in my apartment and not talk to anyone. Everywhere I go in this town it reminds me of her, of us, of the family we had.   I hate this town.  But I cannot leave; I refuse to let her make me a part time dad. The not being friends thing with my wife is really hurting me.  I know its best. I cant give in.  Theres no way I can be friends with her when I cant fogive her for being with him.  She does not care about me, I have to wake up and realize that, as much as that sucks to believe. She emails me now in short one sentance question and answers.  I do the same to her.  There is no love or emotion there from her, it hurts so bad.  Of course she has the whole week with her boyfriend so why would she care about talking to me now?   What a selfish, sad bitch.  She thinks she is so smart and so together, but she cant spend ONE night alone, not ONE.  There is no strength in that, that is cowardlyness. I still cant believe she lied to me about the driving condintions on Sunday just to get me home so I could pick up the boys and she could see her boyfriend.  What kind of person does that? Something has to change for me. I cant continue like this.  I dont want to go to the loony bin because she will use it as an excuse to take my kids away from me.  So I have to find a way to get through it.