Had a good nights sleep, I feel much better today. Well much better than yesterday, so its all relative. I emailed my stbx and told her im not going over there tonight.  She was going to have me over for supper and some board games.    I was really really struggling and that I was having problems getting over her being with another guy the night before valentines.  She saw him anyways.  She actually had the gall to tell me that he sleeps overnight on the couch, but they dont "have sex".  Um yeah and im really a woman. I had several panic attacks last night where I thought I might have to call the amulance because my heart was beating so hard and my chest hurt.   I realized that she can be selfish, but theres a difference between being selfish and being cruel.   If she really did still love me, she wouldnt do this to me; not like this.  She would have came over and comforted me last night instead of being with another guy in her bed. So im gonna get me a couple of movies, maybe some wine, and chill by myself tonight.  Im going to spend a few hours shopping for some stuff for my apartment and tomorrow im going to hang pictures and try to make this place more like MY home.  There are a couple of good job opportunities in the paper so I will do a lot of praying and see if I can score one.