Made it through the day somehow. She told me she was cooking her boyfriend dinner tonight and watching a movie.  She said if it got too late he would sleep on the couch (yeah right, my God does she really expect me to believe that?).   I asked her not to let him sleep over, please please. I know he lives an hour away but so what?   I told her I just cant handle that emotionally right now. She didnt care. She told me she doesnt want to hurt me, but she has to do what makes her happy. I cant control her selfishness so it is what it is.    She is going to make me dinner tomorrow night and help me with my resume.  I think im ok with that, I may change my mind tomorrow. The closer we get to next week the more my anxiety goes up.  She is leaving on monday and will be in Ohio with him, all week for work.  In a hotel.  God im going to be a wreck.  But im going to have the kids all week so I will have to put my best face forward, that will be tough. Will be nice having my kids all week though!!  I browsed around on Eharmony today.  Just out of curiosity. I created a profile for fun and wow there are a lot of women in my area looking for guys!  LOL, that kind of gave me encouragement.  I am not even close to being ready for that right now, but its good to know there are people out there.    The more I think about it, the more I realize that it wasnt being married that made me miserable, it was who i was married to.   Carrie was a good wife when it came to providing for me, and keeping appointments and doing the bills.  She was a terrible spouse when it came to being a partner, a lover, and a companion.   I take some blame for that as I probably didnt meet her expectations either.  But its good to know that if the right person for me comes along, I probably can be happy. Right now its just about getting my crap straight. Im on an emotional roller coaster and its driving me insane (and the stbx).  My kids are sad and they are suffering. I need to be stronger and show them everything is ok.   Just continuing to try and breathe is not going to be enough very soon. I have to do more.