Spent the night at Carries. Seems to have been a big mistake as i am suffering greatly today. Could be fatigue as I slept maybe an hour. I just cant sleep nexst to her as a friend, it just dont seem to work.In the morning I accused her of having an affair again. I was adammant that she did it. I pointed out all the clues and of course catching her with a guy 2 days after I moved out. She staunchly stood by her story that she NEVER cheated on me and that she didnt meet this guy till after we talked about the seperation. She says she just used thim to lean on in the first 2 weeks we were seperating and she made a 'mistake' inviting him over. She says she just needed to assure herself that she would not be 'alone' forever. LOL how the hell is that fair? There is no woman waiting to come over and "reassure" me that I wont be lonely for a very long time. Anyways I believed her and we cuddled for 20 minutes before we got up. The kids are home with me all day because school got cancelled for the weather and I have been cooped up all day with them. I am very very sad today.I told Carrie last night that I know I do indeed love her dearly but I am willing to "let her go" because she has been with me since she was 17, and I want her to experience more in life. I am trying to be unselfish for the first time in a long time. Although I do believe in my heart that letting her go is the right thing to do, my broken heart tells me to fight. My tired mind and body tells me that I am not capable right now of making it on my own.I am very scared of my future right now. Today I feel like I am 1 day from going back to the loony bin. I have to wonder how im going to get through the night without going over to her house to check on her.
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I am so sorry for all of this pain. I know it seems like it will never end. But it does get easier. I still don\'t know how to do the friend thing. It will take along time. But he is with the woman that he cheated on me with and that is a hard thing to get past.
Try not to make things any harder on yourself than they already are..........by sleeping with her as \"friends\" it will only set you up for more heartache..........it\'s like starting this whole ugly process over again.......protect yourself, because it sounds like she\'s only concerned with her feelings, needs, and wants. I\'m not sure I would/could refuse if my stbx asked to just snuggle for awhile, but I certainly know that it would set me back, and destroy a lot of the healing I\'ve already started..........it\'s tough, and I wish I had answers to give you. Just believe in you! You deserve to be happy, and you have a lot of support here on DS.
I could imagine how you feel. Being married for such a long time with my spouse and taking all the affairs that he head cause me to really focus on my future. I was going through with him year after year and it just got very tiring and painful. When I had enough and I didn\'t have enough tolerance left to keep going so I let him go. Do what you think is best. He is still wanting to get back together but I refuse to continue through his cycle. Good luck to you and know that we are here to support you. Take care, Alethea