9 Months Today

It is still hard to believe it has been 9 months today since I lost my dear Paul and the children lost their father, even my daughter from my first husband, lost someone who she feels was her father figure. 
 I have been going through so many changes, learning so many new things. What choice do I have, none, feel like I was thrown into this life of never being able to be with my Paul. I never thought in my life that I would ever be alone, without my own man.
I still go through most days feeling really numb. Not only does this month mark 9 months without Paul, but on the 17th, will be his 64th birthday. I am not quite sure what I will do, I am wanting to do something to celebrate his life, just don't know what.
Two of the many feelings that I have, that just doesn't subside is the strong feeling of being numb all over and confusion of what am I suppose to do without him.
I will always miss my Prince Charming