9/19/2013
Tomorrow is his birthday and I don't care. last year on his birthday I was on my way to Galveston to leave on my very first cruise. He kept texting me and asking if I was there yet and what it was like. It was something we always talked of doing but like most things with him when it came down to it...never happened. I was not going to tell him happy birthday last year but he kept texting me about the trip and started talking about what this student or that gave him for his birthday so... it was bittersweet at first, cause he kept texting and I had no idea why and I kept thinking how much more fun it would be with him than my sister. I finally said something to the effect of how much fun he and I would have had. he threw the cold water: It has nothing to do with me. This is for you. don't even be thinking about me. Now I wonder if the reason he kept texting was to push the buttons until I said I wished he was there.
Ah well, no matter. That was last year. The cruise was an important watershed moment for me. Today is a week since I told him to go away and leave me alone. it's been a good week. No regrets at all. My therapist was happy I finally reached the point where I could do that. me, too. So much going on in the next few months. Busy time of year. Lots of festivals, football games, homecomings and also some other things friends have invited me to. My cruise is in 65 days. Can't wait. Yes, I know it will probably cross my mind at the time that he's busy moving #4, etc...No use pretending I won't think of it. But hey, there's a swimming pool, and there's another bar, and there's so much to do--I think I will be able to distract myself!
Took a step. Went to the bowling alley and got a schedule for the leagues. May sign up and start bowling middle of October. Going to go this weekend and see how my knee and back holds up Been a few years since I bowled in a league. or even picked up a ball. Tonight, going to get the bag with the bowling balls and shoes in it and bring it downstairs to remind myself. Go bowling this weekend. Lots of outdoor stuff here this weekend, but supposed to rain. if it rains, Gonna get a pizza and watch some football or something.
This time is so very much different than the last time I cut him out of my life. Feels different. feels better. i feel stronger. I really feel I might be truly free of him at last.
Ah well, no matter. That was last year. The cruise was an important watershed moment for me. Today is a week since I told him to go away and leave me alone. it's been a good week. No regrets at all. My therapist was happy I finally reached the point where I could do that. me, too. So much going on in the next few months. Busy time of year. Lots of festivals, football games, homecomings and also some other things friends have invited me to. My cruise is in 65 days. Can't wait. Yes, I know it will probably cross my mind at the time that he's busy moving #4, etc...No use pretending I won't think of it. But hey, there's a swimming pool, and there's another bar, and there's so much to do--I think I will be able to distract myself!
Took a step. Went to the bowling alley and got a schedule for the leagues. May sign up and start bowling middle of October. Going to go this weekend and see how my knee and back holds up Been a few years since I bowled in a league. or even picked up a ball. Tonight, going to get the bag with the bowling balls and shoes in it and bring it downstairs to remind myself. Go bowling this weekend. Lots of outdoor stuff here this weekend, but supposed to rain. if it rains, Gonna get a pizza and watch some football or something.
This time is so very much different than the last time I cut him out of my life. Feels different. feels better. i feel stronger. I really feel I might be truly free of him at last.
Replies