Well this is my first time writing in a gambling journal. The first day of regret again of looking at what money I had n now Broke now for 8more days til next payday.I sit n think y. Y do I run to casino n loose what I had worked so hard to get. Y do I go n come home hating myself. I'm not rich . n live ck to ck. I got bailed out w a bankruptcy by mom n not getting her paid back isn't right. That's a priority. She needs her money. 2000.00. Now because of gambling I owe a pawn shop 500,a. Loan400 a credit card for charges for Christmas presents food gas etc. cause I lost repeated paychecks gambling. Wow... N just keep repeating the same thing over n over. Wow, how sick is that. I've banned myself,stopped ability to get money at casinos all over & I still just keep going n feeling lousy for days thinking when will it end.
Replies
I did it again. Went lost check. Broke and now beating the old self up. Christmas is not a good time for me. I should like it but I always ruin it by gambling. My self ban expired and. So here I went back several times and walk out angryyyy. What the hell it gonna take? To change me ? To give that stupid throwing away my life on a damn slot machine. Im so frustrated and mad and upset. God I\'m worthless.
How do I get help when broke, in debt.
I need treatment, Desperately. Can\'t go on feeling like this. I am really sick and I know it. I have no where to turn. No ga that I can go to here. The nearest one is 30 minutes away but it is when I\'m at work. No insurance or cash for counseling or therapy. The latter is what I think I need... I don\'t have a support group or family help. They all think I can just stop gambling on my own. I have tried and miserably and have failed. I\'ve put up roadblocks but just run around the barricades. Isn\'t that a trip. I can try to do stuff to stop ,then blow right threw them. Wow what a person I have become. Sick sick sick.
SELF ban papers mailed this morning. Somethings got to give to make me are the answer to my problems with slots and throwing all sanity and money away. Now the hard work has to begin with me. I have to find a way to beat this addiction/affliction..