back home
I am back from my brother's and sister-in-law's. I wanted to stay forever. They keep telling me I can do this. That I've got this. They make me feel brave. I wish I could wave a magic wand and have it be over. I don't ever want to see or hear from him again. (This is unrealistic. We have two kids. Granted they are older, but our paths are going to cross because of them. Unless he abandons them, which is what I fear.)
Had to tell someone else tonight who hadn't heard. She cried. It is such a mess. Her husband just called me and he is a mess. No one can believe it. He had us all fooled into thinking he was someone genuine and trustworthy.
So what is the best thing to tell people? That we are divorcing because he cheated and has run off with his fairy tale girlfriend? Just that we decided to divorce? (No one who knows us accepts that one at face value. They dig. They know we were always happy and in love.- well, except for his girlfriend and now him. Now we were never happy.)
He cleared out some stuff while I was at my brother's. Left a mess. Took his pillow, which was a matching pillow on the bed. And left a card in plain sight that I had given to him in happier times. That was deliberately cruel. Throwing words of love back into my face.
He believes I will only ever love him and be some pathetic creature. I will not be pathetic. And this man? This man I don't even recognize? I don't love this man. This man I actually want a divorce from. I can't guarantee I will ever love or be loved again. But I am not going to sit around, crying over someone cruel, who apparently was never the person I thought he was.
Hey, I drove the whole way to NH by myself. I would never have done that before. My kids and I will return to NH this summer for a break. I already drive to Pittsburgh by myself. I can do this. Taxes. Change flats. FAFSA. College visits. Always worked and supported them and provided health care. Shielded them from their dad's temper. I have got this. But I'm getting a lawyer. And she can get this. Not seeing or hearing from him will just keep me sane.
Had to tell someone else tonight who hadn't heard. She cried. It is such a mess. Her husband just called me and he is a mess. No one can believe it. He had us all fooled into thinking he was someone genuine and trustworthy.
So what is the best thing to tell people? That we are divorcing because he cheated and has run off with his fairy tale girlfriend? Just that we decided to divorce? (No one who knows us accepts that one at face value. They dig. They know we were always happy and in love.- well, except for his girlfriend and now him. Now we were never happy.)
He cleared out some stuff while I was at my brother's. Left a mess. Took his pillow, which was a matching pillow on the bed. And left a card in plain sight that I had given to him in happier times. That was deliberately cruel. Throwing words of love back into my face.
He believes I will only ever love him and be some pathetic creature. I will not be pathetic. And this man? This man I don't even recognize? I don't love this man. This man I actually want a divorce from. I can't guarantee I will ever love or be loved again. But I am not going to sit around, crying over someone cruel, who apparently was never the person I thought he was.
Hey, I drove the whole way to NH by myself. I would never have done that before. My kids and I will return to NH this summer for a break. I already drive to Pittsburgh by myself. I can do this. Taxes. Change flats. FAFSA. College visits. Always worked and supported them and provided health care. Shielded them from their dad's temper. I have got this. But I'm getting a lawyer. And she can get this. Not seeing or hearing from him will just keep me sane.
Replies
You will love again and be loved. Trust me on this, I thought the same way six months ago.
After 24 years my wife did the EXACT SAME THING. You\'re not alone. It sucks so bad. Keep your resolve and congrats on your huge steps you\'re taking! You\'re in my thoughts.
Always good be home most of the time. Your situation is like mine in a way. My stbx and her daughter cleaned me out and on xmas eve her daughter left a present and card at my door. I packed it up and shipped it back the next day. Hope she likes it. I will not play games with peoples emotions. Now if she brought back my 5 k in tools they took that would be a start. But my stbx has told everyone what a big azz I am and took everything, She even told her atty. I took everything. But looking forward to buring her in court. Of course she claims the judge is on my payroll and the police reports against her are bogus also.
Always look at the bright side and yes there is a bright side. I used to get pissed at the lies, cheating and stealing now I make it a game. Everytime she tries something I have a roadblock for her to run into. Gets to be fun if you do it right. And as with you I will never want to see her or her kids again. They burn a very big bridge that can not be rebuilt.
Hang in there and make it fun
Hun, hugs. You are in shock. Let him have his fun now. Take the time to catch your breath first. Then line up the lawyer, therapist and a financial advisor. Those are going to be your lifeline. As for stbx and his current flavour of the month, do not even give them another thought. You have to look after yourself. Your needs and wants are what you need to look after now. You and your children. If you think that they are going to be happy, forget it. There is no trust, respect or honour between them. You, my friend, have everything going for you. Hugs
No contact and lawyering up is the absolute best way to go. You ARE very strong, and you have most likely been doing mostly everything anyway, so you definitely got this. Don\'t let that man steal your joy. Trust this is good for you and believe me, one day, you\'ll feel like he did you a favor.
I experienced much of the same thing when divorcing my ex. He also did things that were deliberately cruel; that\'s when I knew I made the right decision kicking him out and divorcing him.
Put your dream team together--a good attorney and counselor--and work to take your life back. You are strong.
As far as what to tell people: when I encountered people, I told the truth--Ex and I are divorcing because he has a girlfriend. Period. I figured since he didn\'t give a shit about my feelings, why should I be concerned about his.
Sending hugs!
Your family is right. You can do this. As far as what to tell people. Just say three\'s a crowd in a marriage and that you really don\'t want to talk about it. I say this because whatever you say WILL get back to him. Even if it\'s true, it will only fuel the fire.
If you can afford one, get a small safe with a lock that you can put important papers and stuff in. That way if he comes snooping while you are gone, he doesn\'t learn anything you don\'t want him to know. You can\'t change the locks yet because he is part owner of the home.