Bad Day
Today is a bad day. Nothing in particular happened. I got up, got dressed, went to work. As things go it was pretty standard. But his leaving is still so fresh. I feel like I am stuck in the same moment when he tells me that he has a mistress and that he loves her not me and wants to be with her instead of the family we made together.
I am trying. I really am trying. My therapist said I have trouble expressing anger. Everyone thinks I should have just kicked him out the moment that I found out about the other woman. Everyone tells me I should hate him. But I just feel sad, and scared, and alone.
I can't find a single divorce support group near me. I need to speak to other people about how they are getting through this. I don't care if it's co-ed or all women.
The one thing that people are saying that is true, is that this is not the "D" everyone knew. It's like he's a completely different person. Several people asked me if he's on drugs. (He's not.) But I guess he is having a mid-life crisis. But I got him through every crisis. Emotionally I carried him through so much stuff that I can't list it all. And he throws it away. He is throwing our kids way.
He doesn't want to be responsible for any of the bills, and I can't afford them on my salary. He doesn't want to have to pay alimony, and I probably wouldn't get it anyway because we have nothing and my job makes less money but not significantly less money than his.
He is not even going to be around for my son's senior year. My son is just like me. He can't express his anger. So my son is bottling up. He's shoving it down to a place that he won't let himself feel it. How do I help him with that? I cry all the time, although I try to hide it from him. And if I am speaking to my mother, brothers, or friends, I go into another room so he doesn't hear me getting upset.
My son is such a good son. He is respectful. He always helps when he is asked. He never curses in front of me. He thanks me for the things I do for him. But I worry because he is bottling up. And of course "D" doesn't have to be there to deal with the massive fallout. He gets to play house with his girlfriend.
My daughter is so intelligent and hard-working. She is so angry right now. Part of it is on my behalf because she is female, but she is enraged by his rejection of our family.
And again, he gets to run off and play house while I hold everything together.
He has only known this woman for 4 months. Four months and he dumped a twenty-five year marriage and two terrific kids. I don't understnad. And I guess I never will.
But today really hurts.
I am trying. I really am trying. My therapist said I have trouble expressing anger. Everyone thinks I should have just kicked him out the moment that I found out about the other woman. Everyone tells me I should hate him. But I just feel sad, and scared, and alone.
I can't find a single divorce support group near me. I need to speak to other people about how they are getting through this. I don't care if it's co-ed or all women.
The one thing that people are saying that is true, is that this is not the "D" everyone knew. It's like he's a completely different person. Several people asked me if he's on drugs. (He's not.) But I guess he is having a mid-life crisis. But I got him through every crisis. Emotionally I carried him through so much stuff that I can't list it all. And he throws it away. He is throwing our kids way.
He doesn't want to be responsible for any of the bills, and I can't afford them on my salary. He doesn't want to have to pay alimony, and I probably wouldn't get it anyway because we have nothing and my job makes less money but not significantly less money than his.
He is not even going to be around for my son's senior year. My son is just like me. He can't express his anger. So my son is bottling up. He's shoving it down to a place that he won't let himself feel it. How do I help him with that? I cry all the time, although I try to hide it from him. And if I am speaking to my mother, brothers, or friends, I go into another room so he doesn't hear me getting upset.
My son is such a good son. He is respectful. He always helps when he is asked. He never curses in front of me. He thanks me for the things I do for him. But I worry because he is bottling up. And of course "D" doesn't have to be there to deal with the massive fallout. He gets to play house with his girlfriend.
My daughter is so intelligent and hard-working. She is so angry right now. Part of it is on my behalf because she is female, but she is enraged by his rejection of our family.
And again, he gets to run off and play house while I hold everything together.
He has only known this woman for 4 months. Four months and he dumped a twenty-five year marriage and two terrific kids. I don't understnad. And I guess I never will.
But today really hurts.
Replies
Sorry you are having a bad day. I didn\'t want to kick my H out after discovering some things he did or was doing. But after awhile the ugly stuff got piled higher and higher to where I couldn\'t stand it any more. (((HUGS))))
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel a little better, but I know that you don\'t want to hear from me and that makes me sad, but I understand.
My wife did the EXACT SAME THING. 24 year marriage, 2 kids (one daughter senior in high school still lives with me) one son lives with his girlfriend and won\'t speak to his mother. Don\'t try to figure your ex out it\'s an exercise in futility. Who can explain this shitstorm? My ex hooked up with my daughters boyfriends dad...a shithead I\'ve had at the house and barbecued dinner for. So if you can make sense of it let me know. Just worry about yourself and your kids. I\'m 9 months post breakup and while it still hurts I would never take her back and am getting to the point of just hating her and not caring if she ends up in a gutter. She decimated our household income and she doesn\'t give a shit, she only cares about herself. Screw her she will wake up one day and realize the kids are done with her and whatever karma bites her in the ass so be it. Hang in there, don\'t let him ruin anymore of your life. Message me if you would like. Take care.
Honey, all you can do is be there for your children. Trying to figure it out, forget it. He lost everything. They will never really trust or respect each other. There is nothing to respect or to trust. They may act like they are happy, but I doubt it very much. My ex got what he wanted and now he blames me for his unhappiness. Go figure. Look after yourself. It is a long emotional roller coaster ride, hang on.
My ex also thought he could just walk out on our bills until my attorney, the magistrate and the LAW set him straight.
If you have not hired an attorney, you need to do that right away. the attorney can file for temporary orders, which determines who pays for what while the divorce is pending. the attorney can navigate the legalstuff and look out for your best interests, which is important for you right now.
Hugs!!
It is the same song, new person having to go through this. I am so sorry. It sucks! I was the one that got to walk away from the bills but because HE wanted to keep the house. I told him fine and I walked away. No job, no credit, no nothing. He did pay me each month until I got a full-time job. But the kids soon learned that he had a girlfriend that he moved into the house and their relationship has been bad ever since. HE DIDN\'T CARE UNTIL HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS GONE!. That was when he crawled back crying. That was a sad but good day. He finally got to see what a shitstorm of a mess he made with everyone\'s lives.
I still miss the married life, but just not with him anymore. I realize he was an ass for most of the past 8 years. I am better off and you will be tool Hang in there. It gets better.