I wish I knew how to explain how I am feeling. No words can adequately describe my situation though. So I will do the best I can do.
I am scared to death. My family, the family I've always wanted, always dreamed of is falling apart. I dreamed last night that my uncle was moving out, and when I woke up, I was relieved to realize that I was dreaming until I remembered that my dream is quickly becoming reality. My uncle is leaving, abandoning my aunt, 5 cousins under 16, and me. I understand that my aunt isn't perfect, but he doesn't even want to do marriage counseling at the church. He doesn't even want to try. And that is confusing to me. I don't understand why someone would be so quick to allow their family to fall to pieces. I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. I'm angry at him for being so selfish though. We need him, my aunt needs him, my cousins need him, I need him.
When I first met my family, I was invited over for my birthday dinner and to play with baby bunnies. We ate at the large dining room table. Now that I've lived with them for the summer, I realize how uncommon it is for them to eat at that table together. Tonight, the night before my classes start at the University, we ate at that table. My aunt said it would be the last family dinner together, at least for a long time. She doesn't even know that my uncle is getting ready to leave, not just me so that I can go off to college. She had no clue how true her words might just be. I might have eaten my last meal with my whole family tonight. There is an enormous feeling of loss. I thought I had my family in my grasp, and yet they are slipping through like sand between my fingers.
It's hard to think about going here and taking classes while my family at home is falling to pieces, with nothing that I can do to stop it. If there was anything I could do to help my family, I would. In a heartbeat. It's hard to launch into the world when the only landing pad you've ever had is sinking quickly into the earth, preparing to be engulfed. Needless to say, I am discouraged.
I am scared to death. My family, the family I've always wanted, always dreamed of is falling apart. I dreamed last night that my uncle was moving out, and when I woke up, I was relieved to realize that I was dreaming until I remembered that my dream is quickly becoming reality. My uncle is leaving, abandoning my aunt, 5 cousins under 16, and me. I understand that my aunt isn't perfect, but he doesn't even want to do marriage counseling at the church. He doesn't even want to try. And that is confusing to me. I don't understand why someone would be so quick to allow their family to fall to pieces. I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. I'm angry at him for being so selfish though. We need him, my aunt needs him, my cousins need him, I need him.
When I first met my family, I was invited over for my birthday dinner and to play with baby bunnies. We ate at the large dining room table. Now that I've lived with them for the summer, I realize how uncommon it is for them to eat at that table together. Tonight, the night before my classes start at the University, we ate at that table. My aunt said it would be the last family dinner together, at least for a long time. She doesn't even know that my uncle is getting ready to leave, not just me so that I can go off to college. She had no clue how true her words might just be. I might have eaten my last meal with my whole family tonight. There is an enormous feeling of loss. I thought I had my family in my grasp, and yet they are slipping through like sand between my fingers.
It's hard to think about going here and taking classes while my family at home is falling to pieces, with nothing that I can do to stop it. If there was anything I could do to help my family, I would. In a heartbeat. It's hard to launch into the world when the only landing pad you've ever had is sinking quickly into the earth, preparing to be engulfed. Needless to say, I am discouraged.
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