Ugh! &*$#*(#(@

I wish I were 17 again.  Also wish I didn't have this Carcinoid but that ain't gonna happen!  Learning to deal with it is not easy.  I carry shots around everywhere I go (have them already made up in my daughters refrigerator) as it seems that with the least little stress, I am red and hot!  This disease really sucks!  But....guess we gotta die of something so .......... at least with "cancer" the pain can be well managed with medications so guess I am "lucky".  All those years as a Hospice nurse has helped me understand some of this.  I don't see why I should get tested unless I am ready to be operated on.  I lost so much weight from the last operation that I know they won't attempt to operate again.  So....I wait...and wait.  Wish I could get off of the steroids.  My hair is falling out and I hate that.  I seriously think I would rather have pain than hair loss (vanity thy name is...).  I am now down to wearing a wig every day.  I hate this but guess it could be worse; could be summer (hot head???).Well...enough for now.  Again, I wish I were 17 again!