got some xmas shopping done today...was supposed to go with my friend steph but she had car trouble...so i was to fight the crowds all by my lonesome today...which true be told, i dont mind too much....when im by myself, i dont have to worry if everyone is having a good time...i dont have anyone to try to impress/keep occupied...pressure is offwent to Scrooge the musical with my grandparents tonight....it was good...and i had a good time with my grandparents =)....turned on my grand daughter charm to the max of course....overtime, with my ED i feel as though it has become me against my parents...so i try EXTRA hard to get as many allies on my side as possible....and grand parents are good to have on ur side...although i guess they are neutral...but they love me to death...and spoil me like grandparents do....although on the way home i got the same speech i get everytime i see them now...the one that goes "missy u need to eat more...ur wasting away...we dont wanna see u die...we love u too much" o and then there was this line "missy if u would just eat a bit more, everything would be perfect, and ur mom and dad would be happy to"...first off, i would gain weight which in my eyes means that i wouldnt be perfect...or anywhere near it...and 2nd off, im not so sure that my relationship with my parents can be salvaged whether i eat more or not...my ED has taken a permanent toll on us....and i dont think it leaving will take all of the bad blood with it somebody told me that they didnt know how i got up every morning at the weight i am at now...let alone work, go to college, and maintain friendships....that comment really touched me in that i dont hear that someone thinks im strong very often...it is made sure that i know how weak i am for still having my ED, and how im ruining my life...but no one ever gives me credit for living my life while under the influence of my anorexia....so thank u lily for that...ur my angelbad weather is supposed to be coming in tonight....thus begins the bad western ny winter..........
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i hope yuu dont get hit hard. :p
i\'m gald the shopping was goood.i know just what yu mean about the perssure being of when yuur alone.its nice like that.
send the weather to oklahoma....PLEASE!! i like going shopping alone too...I always worry about my freinds when they go with me...and i have to kinda set myself to them...alone is much more easier..but I also feel lonely sometimes and going with my BFF is a nice change too...:)
I always feel like I have to make sure others are too. I will go out of my way to make sure others are having a good time, but yet I don\'t go out of my way to make myself happy.
I get the same speach too from others. I hate that speech because,1) things will not be better if I just eat and 2) it makes me feel bad that I can\'t seem to make myself better and it makes me feel selfish.
I think it\'s amazing how all of us can still live or lives with an eating disorder. You are very strong. I think people suffering with any type of illness are the strongest people around. We are all struggling, but yet we are still getting by.
We got the bad weather today. Snow and sleet. I hate the winter.
I wouldn\'t give up on your relationship with your parents. ED does a lot of damage, but recovery can make it heal. Everyone is making me feel so bad talking about their shopping. I haven\'t done a damn thing, ha! Maybe I\'m the scrooge. XOXO
I love you, Missy. I always think to myself: jesus, what could I do if I got RID of the ED?!
If you can work, go to school, keep your grades up, maintain a life with an ED...imagine how fucking amazing you would be if you kicked this illness to the curb!
As for your grandparents, don\'t you think they have the right to be concerned? Wouldn\'t you be wondering what the hell their problem was if they said nothing as you grow more and more emaciated (sorry, you hate that word)? They love you, and want you to live, so they don\'t have to watch their own granddaughter pass away.