i am a glutton...i am a fatass....i do not deserve anything....im a fuck up...i cannot do anything right....i am nothing....i have no family, no life, no nothing...all i have is my EDplease ignore all of the red print above...those are just my irrational thoughts that are constantly swimming in my mind...i KNOW i am not fat...but i always convince myself that im in that state where i am gaining weight...like i am slowly gaining and just dont know it....and i will keep gaining because i am an out of control fuck face...i think this is y i get a kind of relief when i see that the number on the scale go down....kind of like a reassurance that i am not in that horrid weight gaining stateahhh fuck a duck....tomorrow is thanksgiving...mixed feelings...i dont know what i want...do i want to sit at the table and not eat anything while pretending that i am? or do i want to not even be asked to join them and be excluded? im kind of wondering if they will tell me when dinner's ready...a part of me wants to be included even if i dont end up eating anything...and another part of me just wants to be left alone....ugh!!!!we are already batting 1000 for this holiday guys! mrs karon (my co worker) used to own a bakery....and she baked me a dozen fresh rolls to serve at my thanksgiving dinner....i told my mom that i brought them home and that they were from a co worker of mine...and my dad goes "like ur gonna eat them!" to which i replied "i didnt make them! they were a gift! what did u want me to do? give them back??!?!?!?" and my mom was like "y r u getting so pissy?" and i was like "did u even hear what he said!!!!" god....my father is an asshole....wish he could just love me as is
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i\'m sure he does love you...although that\'s hard to hear when you constatly have to listen to him berate you. hugs.
i sat for a whole hour while i got shouted at, quite literally, for an hour by my rents last night. My dad said i needed a good hiding.... like hitting me ig going to make me wanna eat!!!!!!!! I know its coz they care but its hard going i feel ya girly. xxx
I\'ve read lots of journals about what to do at the table tonight. I have heard a lot of good replies but I think for myself I\'m just going to make a normal plate and do the best I can. Tomorrow should be declared \"NATIONAL NO SCALE DAY\" I hope you can sit as far away from your Dad as possible to avoid even further stress. I love you. XOXOXO
I\'m in the \"don\'t show up during the meal\" camp this year. I was last year, too...and I think the year before that as well. It totally sucks and I completely understand your fear and frustration. Just do the best you can and don\'t pay any attention to any negative comments by your Dad or anyone else. I think your Dad is nasty sometimes because he\'s scared and doesn\'t know how to get your attention any other way. Its not right..thats for sure. :( Hugs for today! xoxo
Honey, I am so sorry that you had to put up with the cruelty. That was so unfair. You did not deserve that. In terms of what to do for the meal, only you can answer that. What I have been telling others is to follow your gut. Only you know what you are up for. Just remember to breathe, and that I am always here for you.
Regarding the fat comment, I have no help for you as I feel the same way. But, you are not fat. Just like you would say to me. Parents always have a way of saying things that are so uncalled for and piss you off. I cannot be around my mom sometimes for longer than an hour because she is so critical of me. - wow I live in Canada and our thanksgiving was in October - sucks you guys have two holidays one after another - grin & bear it is all I have to say. I have major blowout meals for Xmas coming up so I understand. Fuck a duck is right! at least you have a sense of humour!