u know how people say that everything will look better in the morning? well that is opposite for me and my ED......right before i go to bed at night is when i tend to really think about what the fuck im doing to my body and wondering how long i will live if i keep going the way i am...like last night i was like "omg missy there is no way in hell that u can keep eating 405 (my newest number) calories a day and expect to be alive 20 yrs from now"...this thought scared me and at 2am in the morning when my sister came upstairs to take a shower, i cried out her name....she didnt hear me....but if she had come in i was gonna beg her to help me...tell her i dont wanna die....ask her to help me recover.........but i drifted off to a pill induced sleep....and woke up....ready to live another ED filled day....forgetting all of the anguish the night before random question of the day...u know how when u say ur not having a good day and someone says "well at least u've got ur health" ....well what would they say to me? cuz last i looked...health is a far cry from whatever the fuck i have!this one little girl at the preschool is viscious....she drew blood from one kid with her nails...and she bit another kid....well we needed to ask mrs barb for ice twice to ice the wounds...and mrs karen was all scared that mrs barb was pissed that we were letting this happen....i was getting kind of mad cuz mrs karen made me feel like it was my fault that jaharia bit grace...ok im sorry but i cannot be everywhere at once...we have 10 kids in the room...and i am 1 person! god damnit...i didnt teach her to bite!i did have a feel good moment today at work....mrs karen had gone to lunch so it was mrs barb (the owner aka my boss) in the toddler room...and little skylar came up to me and told me that she had to go poopies...well i had a little girl named maya on my lap and i was reading to her...so mrs barb told skylar that she would take her to the potty....well skylar actually started screaming and reaching towards me.....well normally any kid would give their left leg to have MRS BARB take them to the potty...but nope, skylar wanted me....and it was me she got.....bless her for that small gift of making me feel special today
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Kids have a way of knowing who loves them and trusting you... I love it. I got to hold a little one all day, she had an ear ache from teething but she wanted no one but me and it was cute...though not so much so when I went on break and left for the day...that was bad! Take care.
Awww... That\'s cute.
The story you told about you thinking the most at night... Oh man, I am the same way... I use to cry out in the middle of the night for Neil, and he would be like wtf, and I would be freaking out.... I don\'t get it much anymore, but I totally can relate.. You will find happiness, and you will succeed, it\'s just a matter of time now. You will beat it! Who cares what everyone thinks.. Do it when YOU are ready. Don\'t let it beat you... :) Love ya.
Oh my gosh you are really close to making a change woman! Hopefully next time your sis will hear you and thins will get better. That would be really great...lol and that little poopy story..he he...PRICELESS..;)(ok let me know of any commercials I made ya think of..lol)
Those kids are great... That is what keeps me going is my little ones that I teach..Keep trying!! Try to go to your sister? Maybe she will have some advice... Anyway I hope you have a good day tomorrow!
I have those same thoughts just about every night. I start panicing that I can\'t live like this anymore, but as soon as I wake up it\'s just like \"hello ED, I\'m ready for another day with you.\"
It\'s not niether one of your faults that that child is biting. But, yeah the directors do get mad about stuff like that. Basically because the parents then get on the director if their child gets hurt. When I worked in daycare, the director would always ask why I let it happen. Well, I didn\'t. I had 15 2 years olds to keep my eyes on and I only have 2 of them. I had an aid, but she always seemed to either disappear or she would curl up on the rocking chair with a blanket and tell the kids to leave her alone. At least you had one good turn out to the day. It always feels good when a child wants you and not someone else. Especially when that other person is your boss. It shows you are doing a good job.
kidds can make the day amazing sometimes.i\'m gald yuu had that moment.
i think yuur rite missy.as much as i hate to say this if yuu keep not eating yuu will not be alive in 20yrs.but i want yuu to be!and i think yuu want that too.
That\'s what I did, but it was more like 200 calories. I don\'t know how long it could have gone on but my heart was giving out and I didn\'t have time to waste. I was trying, but I was dying while I was trying. You keep reaching out. Everyone is here to support you along the way. XO
hey missy. maybe this is a good sign?? maybe you\'re ready to take control away from ED??? too bad it can\'t be night all the time! love, steph
=)
I\'m a little confused here... Are you doing this job because you want to or because you have to? In your profile there\'s no mention of what your hobbies are or what you plan to do in the future. Sure, little kids are cute, but if you\'re not having good days, then that\'s not helping you either, is it? What concerns me most is that EDs usually tell us there is a deeper concern that has not been dealt with. What\'s up with the family of yours? Are they ever there for you to talk to them? Hugs and Kisses from Lizelle