calories for yesterday were the lowest they have been since i was 16....when i was 16, i was eating alot less,and i havent gone anywhere near that number until yesterday.....funny thing is...i feel like a million bucks today...energy...happy....in control....powerful......i know im gonna have to pick up the calories here soon...i just wanna sulk about the whole grocery thing for awhile...make my parents squirm...feed ED while starving myself....and guys, please do not get all concerned for me...i will pick up my eating soon......i am not lost to my ED....i know how far is too far...i know my boundaries and will not exceed them....i do not have a death wish...i just have a control issue.....and i think it is this control that keeps me tied to this ED........ED i love u, i hate u, i love u, i hate u......ok come here so i can give u a kiss! EDIT (added at 5pm): omg i am so sick....i might have strep throat....im losing my voice, so i sound like a man/tranvestite....my throat feels like it's on fire....those damn germy kids...guess i had best get used to getting every little illness that they get....just hope that my immune system isnt something my ED has destroyed...i dont think it has been...i usually get over these sicknesses pretty fast....but for now, i feel like ASS........ow =(
Replies
Why would you want to make your parents squirm? I would be trying to be positive to help them understand because they are always making you upset, and seem to be treating you unfairly. Don\'t give them more reasons to do this. Anyways, you do what you need to do. I am not trying to be rude or anything. Dammit... I hate computers, I get so paranoid that I come across as rude or whatever.
Anyways, I hope today goes better. I\'m off to Chemistry!
I hear Ed speaking loud and clear. You\'re having this false sense of happiness that we get when we are starved, almost like a high. An addicting, deadly high. He wants you to beat yourself with the club of anger that is intended for your parents. I think Ed wrote that whole journal and that he is full of shit! I love you. XOXOXO
I totally know what you\'re talking about. I\'m getting close to being at the point I was when I hit rock bottom with my anorexia the first time around, but yet I feel great. Whe I was 10 pounds heavier, I felt weak, achy, tired, etc. But now I don\'t feel any of those things which makes it harder to recover because if you feel fine you then begin to think you are just fine and dandy.
The joys of working with kids. You\'re sick all the time. I hope you feel better soon. If you think you may have strep you should get it checked out. It\'s very contagious and if you do have it and you don\'t get on meds for it, then you can pass it on to someone else at work who can then pass it back to you.
hun hun hun.
ed is talking way to loudly to yuu now.but honestly..i know just whatt yuur talking about.i\'m the same was when i dont eat.i feel my best...but soon this is guuna catch upp with yuu and yuu wont feel so good not eating....its the sucky...but the truth.
the part where you can stop before it gets out of control scares me. but you\'ve already heard that. so i won\'t dwell on it. i will let you prove it. cause you\'re not dying on me girly.