**** DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER.........WEIGHT MENTIONED**** first off i just wanna say that i hate feeling as though i have to put that heading on my journal entries where i mention numbers...i think its a bit fucked up......but i cannot handle the added stress that is sure to incur should someone blame me for feeding their ED.........that said.........here goes....y do i even get on the scale¿?¿? im never gonna be happy with it...i think id only be happy with it if the number was the same every time i went on it....like i dont want it to get to 115...cuz i vowed that i would eat more then...but i dont want it to go up any cuz then i feel as though it will continue going up if i keep eating what i do eat........grrr....i was 117 this morning...i was 116.5 the other night (after a days worth of liquids)...my mind starts screaming at me wondering y i have gained this weight? but u know what? im not fat....im still too skinny....i just didnt like how the scale went up......not like it jumped 5 lbs or ne thing....just gets my mind thinking that if it went up, it will continue to do so.........omg my mind is so fucked up, my body is so fucked up b/c of ED, sometimes i feel as though i will always be fucked up
Replies
You won\'t always feel like you\'re fucked up, don\'t worry. It\'s just tough right now because you\'re obsessing about the number instead of addressing your real feelings. When you realize that Melissa isn\'t a number or a size but an actual wonderful human being then you\'ll feel better about yourself. Oh, and I\'m also a scale addict. It\'s like one of those gigantic magnets in the road runner cartoons. XOXOXO
I\'m the same way with the scale. In reality the number on the scale means nothing, but to ED it means everything. I loved being on vacation because my scale didn\'t come with me, but it was waiting for me when I got home.
I actually don\'t see why you have to put a disclaimer on your journal entry. It\'s your journal and you should be able to write whatever you want and if someone gets triggered by what you say you should not have to feel guilty about it. They were the ones that looked at your journal. You\'re not telling anyone to look at it. We both started coming on this site at around the same time and back then you never had to worry if someone was going to get triggered by what you say. That\'s just my thought on the issue.
i\'m gald yuu can see that yuu are really too skinny.thats half the battle!
numbers lie[no matter what they say]to us,they never tell the truth...just a ucked up distortion of the truth.
skinnygirl2525 is right..yuu dont have to put a disclaimer..it is your jounal...no one elses..
I hate numbers so much...the first thing I wanted to do today when I got home was get on a scale...but I didn\'t!! I was so happy about that! Anyway you are a good person, and don\'t let a number tell you different!
please dont feel like you have to warn others about your journals containing numbers. Its your journal and you should be free to write what you want. It their choice weather or not they read your journal, so in the end, its on them. Please keep your head up and keep fighting!
Yea! I agree with the above, your journal\'s your own. If people don\'t want to read about numbers they don\'t have to read your journal. What\'s the point of having a journal if you can\'t write in it what you want to? Go ahead and say it as it is. Love Lizelle
Just keep in mind (which I need to too) that our weight goes up and down all day. And a bigger number may not be real weight gain, just liquid or whatever. Do you mind me asking how tall you are?