well i am 6 ft tall and at 117 lbs....i calculated my bmi and it's at 15.47....i know that's a tad low....and i know that i should do something about it now rather than wait until 115...but i just don't wanna deal with it...as stupid as that sounds...it's a little comforting to know that my body is still reacting to how i treat it...if that makes any sense...like my metabolism isn't so fucked up that i cannot lose weight anymore...wow i think i may not only be losing weight...i am also losing my mind!!!!so if the definition of mania is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, then what would doing the same thing over and over again expecting the same results be? i have been going to panera bread for a long time now (i bought a coffee to go awhile ago and saved the cup....and they have a helpie selfie coffee bar loaded with splenda/equal so i just stowe my cup in my purse, go in and voila free coffee for me!!!)....and i guess i just expected that since i got away wiht it that they don't notice that i come in....help my self to coffee, and end up loading my purse up with their splenda/equal packets......omg i am so mother fucking crazy....well last night, i think this one chick that was working there was keeping her eye on me cuz i think they have figured out that i am taking their sweetener....so when i thought she wasn't watching, i shoved some in my purse...and i noticed her walk into the back...i was like o shit...and booked it out of there...when i got in my car, i saw her come out from the kitchen and walk over to the sweetners at the coffee...i was like o fuck y didnt i just leave? i didnt need that sweetener...i have a shitload at home...i cant stop hoarding it though....i feel safe having it...and safer having it in excess......omg omg omg....i cannot believe that anyone even talks to me...i am obviously a head caseomg i love this site for letting me get that off my chest...i am so embarassed about all of this out of the ordinary behavior, but i feel relieved being able to get it off of my chest to someone....i feel even more relieved knowing that perhaps one of u will identify with it as wellshawn my sister's bf is coming over tonight to carve pumpkins with me..this should be fun...him and i love carving...i just need to con him into gutting mine for me (i hate the slimeyness of it!!!)....i am carving conan o'brian into my pumpkin!!! i have the stencil and am raring to go!!! hehe i love conan!o yes, my computer at home is fixed, hooked up and ready for use again...all the viruses are cleaned out now
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The coffee places shouldn\'t leave out the little packets if they are going to be stingy about you taking them! Do you have a plan once you get to 115? because it is coming, ready or not. Stay safe and strong!
what are you planning on doing when you hit 115 in a few days? i\'d think of something if i were you hun. ((hugs))
I think doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results depends on what that behavior is. If it\'s destructive then I would call it giving up. If it\'s positive then I would call it surrender. XOXOXO
Screw coffee places! I have gone to just drinking coffee from home. I think that you need to come up with a game plan on how you are going to recover from ed. Like everyone has said beofre me, 115 is comming quickly and unfortuneatly and most of the time so arent unforeseen complications. I really do care about you and want to see you well... You have so much to offer to yourself and your dream of teaching. You just glow when you talk about teaching! Its inspiring!
i love conan too. I think we\'re all crazy...and if we\'re all CrAzY then that makes us normal! yay
oh my gosh..them FXXXXXX viruses are everywhere!!!
missy, i hoard stuff too. I do it with sweetners and also with food... like rice crackers.. if i see them i buy them.. knowing that i have no intention of eating them... i have literally four cupboards full of all kinds of rice cakes, japanese crackers, low fat crackers, light crispbreads.. you name it ih ave it, all unopened all on display!!!! its madness... but like you said, i feel safe having it there. Like i can, if the eating disorder cops came round break open my cupboard and eat a bit of one if if meant not being arrested.... so dont feel crazy alone, ur not!!! btw... Erica has a point... whats ur plan at 115?? if your like me u dont have one... u living in a la la land of well i wont get there, im so fat i\'ll always weigh more... but ur getting there lady, and tho i know it feels great, like a fabby acheivement... you know the score... not preaching at ya... just gently pushing you!!! I love you lady!!!! xx
hey babe. hhhhmmm i reckon you hit the nail on the head in that first paragraph of yours... your BMI is pretty damn low & doing something about it now may be easier than doing something about it later when you are absolutely forced to. i\'m sure you know all about BMI but triathletes & marathon runners (who have the lowest BMI) have around 17% (women athletes that is) and that would be pretty cool to say you are like them yeah??? :-) xxxx
love the best thing i think would be to do something before it gets too late. it\'s crazy how ed\'s get powerful so quickly. when i first started binging and purging i would do it like once a week, amd before i even knew it, i did it constantly.
your sweetener story made my day though thats the cutest thing ever
I understand what you are going through and we are struggling at the same time right now. I just think that I might as well eat now because in a short time I\'ll be eating in a hospital if I don\'t cut it out. It get\'s me through some meals.
I\'m glad you can use this site to vent hun. That\'s what we are hear for :o).