im all over the place today with my thoughts so here goes....1) i was so mad last night cuz i came home from the coffee place where i actually studied for a test (woo hoo!!! i took that test today and i think i passed!!!!!! now just to wait and see) to discover that the PC tower off of my computer was missing....my thoughts jump to "my parents took it away cuz they think that im on my "anorexia" site too much, and they think that it might be a pro ana thing and that im turning into my ED"....so i was sooooo pissed that they would try to control me like that....but then my sister said that she thinks that they took it to the computer guy because it was being all slow when the wireless satellite internet was hooked up to it....so now im hoping that the latter is the truth and that the former is not2) well im am really skinny now....and well, my feet were a size 10....but after alot of weight gain/weight loss over my lifetime, i have noticed that my feet shrink when i become really skinny....so now these size 10 adidas that i bought are roomy....and im thinknig that i could have bought the 9.5 and was in blue......ok well that probably wasnt wehre u guys thought i was going with that thought....but well...take it or leave it =P3) i think i frikin ass passed that psych test....everyone cross ur fingers for me...i NEED to know i can do it if i study...that way ill keep my ass studying4) my bff tracy, me, and my sister's bf shawn are carving our pumpkins together this saturday...this should be interesting cuz we all love love love to do the intricate designs....and word is that shawn got an electric saw thing to carve with...and it's new to him this yr...so it should be entertaining in the least......now i just need to sucker one of them into gutting my pumpkin for me.....tracy wont....so shawns my best bet5) 115 and ill pick up my eating......god thats awful that i need to set a number in order to scare myself into eating.....i hate what ive become...yet im willing to dive further in b4 i do soemthing about it...and im scared that if and when i reach 115...i wont do anything about it......but no...not this time.....if i get there....i AM and WILL do something about it....i actually spent my time b4 i drifted off to sleep last night thinking of what ill get to eat if i reach 115...pizza maybe? (maybe a little too scary).....subway? (still to scary?) corn bread....mmmmm......cereal....mmm...bananas....double mmmm...ok i think im craving carbs....but i think the reality of the situation is......i reach 115...ill probably add in fat free cottage cheese or soemthing safe like that.....god im so tired of being safe.......never have i craved danger as i do right now......somebody!! throw me in harms way....stuff a slice of pizza in my mouth!.....risk my safety! save my life!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Heads up everyone, one pizza with the works coming through the air at Missy!
deleted_user
deleted_user

good job on the test!!!
&&i think yuur gunna do great on yuur other test.
keep working at it...someday everything will come easier...
deleted_user
deleted_user

You know you\'d never let someone else force you to eat...that is the way of ED\'s. I was telling my therapist today, back us up anaginst a wall and we get mean and ultimately it just pushes us further into our disorders. It\'s gotta be you girl. You gotta do this, you CAN do this. Numbers aren\'t important, YOU are important. And this is killing you. I couldn\'t stand to see something happen to you. Fight it girl, fuck safe foods, go ahead, take a bite of pizza, start small...a bite.
deleted_user
deleted_user

right girl.... im throwing ya a full fat starbucks and a subway melt... open up... here it comes! x
deleted_user
deleted_user

About your feet. I think shoe sizes have grown just like clothes sizes. A size 2 in clothes now seems to fit what\'s really a 6 just to make fat america feel thin. When I used to thinner, I couldn\'t even wear Old Navy size 0 pants because they were too big. I used to be a size 9 foot and am now an 8. There\'s no way the length of my foot shrunk!