well after finding out that i didnt have to work today by driving there and seeing that it was closed down for the season (so nice of my boss to call and tell me b4 i drove there right? haha)....i came home, slept for 2 hrs....then went and got my oil changed at walmart ($20 well spent cuz that means i dont have to ask my dad to do something for me...cuz i know he doesnt wanna do anything for me)...then i went to the mall and went shopping....i love retail therapy =Pi bought a bra and sweatpants (from their pink line) at victoria's secret, and i bought 2 shirts and a pair of earrings at another store...totally cute stuff....so i got home and i started talking to my mom about the whole dr situation...like how he wouldnt sign the sheet and how i dont know what im gonna say to my boss about it...i told her that jen told me to tell my boss about my ED....and i told my mom that im not sure i wanna share that info...to which my mom rolled her eyes and said "its not a secret, everybody can tell by just looking at u!" and i said "im not that skinny" and she said "stop it, im not getting caught up in ur anorexic bullshit....u and all ur disillusioned thoughts".....so i tried a peace offering and showed her what i had bought......to which she said "those shirts look about the size for a 10 yr old!" and i said "this one is a large in a junior!" and juniors are the teenage section....(i almost didnt wanna tell u guys that i bought a large cuz i thought that u would think that im fat....but the large is super tiny at this store.....) this started making me think about if im a large there, and im a size 2 in pants....what would an average size teenage girl be there? a 4X? 5X? god what is this world telling us? why are there standards so impossible? i bought my sweatpants at victoria's secret in a small and they are falling off of me...doesnt seem right that at this other store i was a large....hmmmm......other random thoughts....1) i learned my sister is on a diet to lose weight...which made my thoughts jump to "shes trying to get thin like me...shes jealous of my body" not good for recovery2) the moment my heart stops beating and i die, there is no going back....there are no take backs with death....so y am i fucking around with it like i can have another chance at life if it ever happens?3) why is it everytime i feel in pain, i automatically think that im dying because of my ED? im so upset that i have this disorder where i dont know if i just simply have stomach pain or if it is something more serious due to my ED....maybe my kidneys are failing, or im about to have a heart attack...4) i keep thinking about how much i love my new job and about how nervous i am about talking with my boss....i dont know how ill handle getting fired if i do....that would be just another thing my ED has ripped away from me......
Replies
I, too, have become a stupid hypochondriac because of my ED. Oh, I\'m sick because of my ED, etc etc. Don\'t be nervous about telling them- just be honest, and I\'m sure they\'ll understand.
Oh, and about the sister thing- omg, mine was comlaining about needing to lose weight the entire time she spent at my apartment...
I did an assignment at treatment about the benefits of ED and buying kids clothes was one of the things I had to let go of. Sounds to me like your fear of ED causing health problems is a good fear. I mean look at all of the people who die from this disease because they don\'t want to acknowledge it. XOXOXO
OMG..been to OLD NAVY Lately? They\'re close have gotten looser, yet the numbers smaller..for what? Society to feel better about itself? I say cut the numbers out of your clothes! I\'ve been doing some retail therapy lately, no hubby and I sad down and we decided to put me on a budget. Ick.
HEy Sorry about your dr. that stinks. About work, I am not sure what I would do either... you are new and that would be tough. I hope it goes ok, either way! At least you had a day off! 4 day week goes by fast!
I know what you mean about sizes...they can be so encourageing...or so depressing. Plus, taller people have longer bones and generally need a little larger size (I have a very thin tall friend who always has to buy larges in shirts). Talk about depressing...my wedding dress is a 16!, and I normally wear an 8 or 10 now. I feel sick when I think about it. Hope it goes well with the conversation about the form at work.
babe.remember that YUU ARE NOT FAT!
trust me.yuu really arent.sizes in every store varie so much its crazy.
i\'m srry about yuur sister.i know that feeling of being like \'omg!they are gunna be skinnyer than me!i can never let that happen!\'