sorry but this entry is not going to have any continuity whatsoever...im gonna be jumping all over the place...so bare with me!about the doctor, my family doctor will not see me any more....he says he is not an ED specialist and so he refuses to deal with it anymore....i wont go to my ED doctor because she will toss my ass back into treatment....and i cant see my therapist until january because insurance cut me off (and i cannot get therapy based on income, because my parents make too much for me to get any sort of deal).....so that is that...and i am kind of hanging...although it is kind of a relief at the moment that the appts are gonna come to a halt...phew....and i cancelled the gyno appt that i had for next week...the only reason it was set up was that my dr was pestering me about it and saying that i HAD to go....well now i have no dr to pester and nag and yell at me...so i CANCELLED the gyno...i dont need some stranger all up in my goodies thank u very much! and i havent had my period in almost 3 yrs now...cant say i miss it!i saw this lady today who recognized me from the restaurant i used to waitress at...(people are always saying hi to me because of my having worked there)....she told me about how my old boss was expanding the place and how i should go back and she didnt know how i could work for that man....she told me how he has gone off the dead end since his wife died....and then she said "u look so good!"...she hasnt seen me in over a yr im sure....so i am 20 lbs heavier than the last time she saw me (i gained 60 in treatment and have lost 40 of that)...so i look less like death than the last time she laid her eyes on me....i hate hate hate how everyone (even strangers can tell that u are anorexic when u r at ur worst...nothing like telling the whole world that ur ill without saying a single word...its so frustrating and embarassing)!!!!i am love love loving this new job at the preschool...i AM Miss Melissa...i had a preschool teacher named that when i was little =P....this job is so rewarding...seeing them learn, and interact is so amazing....i feel as though i have given birth to 20 kids over these past 4 days! i love the toddler room and i love the preschool room! i just dont care for the baby room...i have not really been around babies much....so i dont know waht to do with them...they seem to have something coming out of every hole...whether it be out the mouth, the nose, the eyes, or the butt!....but i so fed a baby today and burped him! he actually burped for me and didnt puke! i was so happy! i have never gotten one to do that before!.....and this little girl in the toddler room went pee pee on the big girl potty rather than in her pull ups for me! i felt like a proud parent when i gave her her reward of an m&m...lol they get an m&m if they pee on the potty...how cute is that?random kid facts1) up until the age of 10, most kids think that giraffes and elephants are the same height because of animal crackers2) the average 4 yr old asks 473 questions a day3) over a 60 hr period, a baby will excrete its own weight in wastelastly ED confessions of the day.......these have been going on for awhile and are a tad embarassing.....everytime i go to get coffee, i always help myself to the facility's supply of splenda and/or equal...i just start stuffing them in my purse as if there is no tomorrow...i always look around to make sure that no one is watching me first....omg i dont know what id do if someone said something to me about it...id probably die of embarassment!.....ok one more....i am always constantly smelling foods that i love rather than eating them...such as stove top stuffing, bread, spaghetti, pizza, cake......u name it, if its yummy and i dont let myself have it, chances are i am smelling it all of the time!